Tuesday, December 13, 2011

FRIGHTENED

I feel truly terrible this morning. on another forum that I have been involved in recently 3 different people's have been posting deliberate lies about me. The last person who did this wrote a supposed to letter from me that I had sent privately which makes it clear that I'm a fundamentalist Christian and I am being evil toward him who isn't a Xian.
Well you know that the last thing I am is a fundamentalist let alone a Christian. However the other 2 and their writings are not so easily see through. There is also no way I could contact anyone on that forum privately because our e-mail addresses are not published anywhere.

Yes I know I ought to just let it go and ignore these sick and twisted people but it has really pressed my buttons. If you have been reading my blog you know just how much I have suffered because of the lies of other people. you will know that I lost nearly 2 years of my life to psychiatric institutions because of the lies of other people. this morning I am so close to tears, I am shaking, and I just feel terribly bad.I know that this is what the writers intended and I hate the fact that I have given it to them, tho I am not writing this on that forum and it is not likely that they know about my blog.

I get so angry at myself for being so fucking sensitive. I feel ashamed of it. I'm a grown man and I can still be made to feel like a frightened little boy. Those of you who don't understand what flashbacks are won't understand the space I am in right now but the few who do will understand.

I am going to go through a swim and see if I can swim through this.

2 comments:

GailR said...

Remember others do not have power over you unless you allow it.
You are an adult and can now protect yourself and the child you were. You were an innocent victim and the predators will be judged and sentenced some time.
I do hope the swim helped and you are feeling better.

Iris said...

Here in the U.S., this is PTSD. I'm sure you in the UK have a term for the trauma suffered by people who have seen, heard and experienced terrible things. Yes, it's usually soldiers, but any of us can suffer and there is not easy "cure" for it, nor can you just "decide not to let it bother you." It will crop up and you will suffer, yet again. You have done a marvelous job handling it and I truly feel your pain when Pandora gets back out of her nasty little box. Hold on, my friend, hold on.