Dribbling Idiot

Yes that would be me.

I am dribbling all over the place. I ought to wear a bib.

Last evening, I bit the inside of my cheek (well it would hardly be the outside now would it?) whilst eating. I have a fairly big sore bit there now that looks like a purple and white splat.

It isn't particularly sore but I can only assume it is the cause of this constant drooling....(well, Keanu isn't here so ....)

Interestingly, after weeks of bad pain, and so bad yesterday I thought I would cry, I have had very little today. In fact the best day I have had for many weeks. No pain does not mean I can walk any better but it does mean the day has been much easier. Thanks for that.

Grief

I have pondered about posting this and didn't know what to head it. Then it just came to me.

Grief.

Grief is a strange thing. It doesn't come and then go away. It comes and stays.

At first it overwhelms, completely covers, like a heavy overcoat. Slowly it disappears. Inside. Somewhere. Lurking.

There it stays forever.

Then one day, a little reminder, such a small thing that might even go unnoticed consciously, brings it out of lurkdom, it's warm but dark tentacles sliding over flesh , pressing down into the solar plexus till the only recourse is to curl into the womb and let it caress you till it's had it's fill and retreats back from where it came.

What the.....?

I have belonged to a list for many years. I have not once had any cross words on that list.

Someone other than the list owner complained about OT posts and subject lines.

I posted that it was the list owners job to tell us what what was what and that she had too much class to be heavy handed with us all.

Next came a public post from list owner which left me in no doubt that during the last 7 years my OT posts were not welcome. (edit: no I was not singled out or even mentioned only OT posts were.)

Okay so that made me feel really rather stupid, but not really a big deal. I just wish I had been told so years ago and I would not have sent such posts (which were about HK not MK). I would have appeared much less stupid too!

So I wrote and apologised to the list for my misunderstanding. The post didn't arrive. So I went into the group to post from there.

I then discovered I was put on moderation!

I can't believe it. Not a word said to me. Just swiped at like that. To say I feel hurt is an understatement. Talk about a very pointed 'you are not welcome'.

I don't deserve to be treated like this. If I had repeatedly done something I had been asked not to, fair enough, get heavy. I have done no such thing. Not once have I ever been asked to not post about HK or my pups and in fact I only posted about them because I was asked to and resulted in maybe 4 posts a year with a one line link and in usually in an on topic post! Plus anything about HK has not been more than a couple of times a month and again just a link, unless others asked questions.

I am not arguing that I ought to have been allowed to do this. Just that I should have been told years ago not to.

To add insult to injury, for several days, an OT topic has been generating many posts and is being allowed to continue because it as an approved OT topic.

EDIT: I have had an email from list owner and it was the usual friendly mail. This explained that I had not done anything wrong and that the whole list was put on moderated.
Yes I have considered deleting this post but as this is a diary of sorts, have decided not to.

Out And About

Yesterday was one of those unexpected days. We got up as usual and then went to the barber. We needed a big shop so we had decided to go to Morrissons some 27miles away.(Gives you an idea how awful Tesco have become when we are prepared to travel 27 m each way rather than 1m).

On the way we decided to drop into a place called Springfields. We had been here before but their disabled parking is crap and too far away. This time we managed to find a space up close.

Springfields is an open air mall. (I assume you'd call it). All the shops are 'outlets' of big companies. They only sell remainders/seconds/sale stuff.

It was great fun for me. I haven't been out for ages. I can't really do this sort of thing without someone with me.( Wheelchairs are handy but not always possible to manoeuvre on my own and besides which, getting them in and out of the car is too much. ) That someone is of course John and he doesn't like shopping at all. The only place he liked was the book shop.

Amongst other shops, there was a Denby seconds shop. I love Denby crockery. I tend not to buy expensive crockery because I break it easily. My grip is not what it once was. I did however buy two plates and two bowls from here and hopefully they will last some time before I drop them.

Then on to Morrissons and our main grocery shop. Now just why can't Tesco take a leaf from them? Really, our Tesco doesn't even sell green peppers any more!

A bonus was that they were selling these plastic sets of drawers at only £14.99 so I bought two. Ideal for keeping my needles and sock yarn stash in. A bit more tidy any way.

We ended up being out about 7 hours.

Going to a dog show is not the same thing. I love going. It isn't that difficult. I drive there, get my trolley out, sit by ringside all day, put my trolley back in the car and drive home. Shopping is much more of a challenge!

This is the one part of my disability I hate. Being dependent. If not for John, I'd have no days out. Now John turned 60 in April and also has COPD. I worry for the pair of us. To be blunt, am I destined to become house bound? Now I know why I live one day at a time and do not dwell on the future.

Our trip to Heidelberg, Germany is all booked up and we leave on the 22nd Aug.

By that time Luna will have been mated. In fact she ought to be ready next weekend.

Poor Micah is frustrated. His daughter is in season and of course Luna is. He can't have either of them. He is being really rather good in that he is not whining or otherwise kicking up a fuss.

I finished another second sock and am on another second sock. Only two second socks to go now!

Elle Sock

The yarn is Elle Sock Yarn, 80% new wool and 20% nylon, shade number 49. Made in South Africa. Lovely handle to this yarn.(Yarn from The Knitting Hut )

The sock is knit toe up. I very nearly abandoned it because it looked nothing on the needles(see below) but continued on until I had knitted to go over part of my foot. Then I liked it.

The pattern is very simple K1tb, p1, K into next 2 sts but do not take off and then knit into 1st of these two sts again and place on right needle, P1, K1tb and repeat all around.
It looks rather plain unless on a foot....
Turkish cast on(20 sts each needle tip-Magic Loop)
I think this is my best heel yet, done slightly differently to previous Sherman heels.

Jumping For Joy

It is yet another wet day. It has been wet wet wet for weeks weeks weeks now.

Thankfully where I live is like Holland and we have not flooded with all the dykes to take care of the water.

The only spanner in the works is the audible noise created by the Ecos and Religious Fundies as they jump for joy at the misfortune being suffered by their fellow human beings. In their mind this is righteous vindication.

In my mind it is wicked and moronic.

On a lighter note, whilst my hips seem to be much better and swimming still lovely, I feel like I been beaten with a bat all over. I feel really bruised when I touch myself, especially on my forearms...weird huh?

Brothers and Sisters

When the USA get it right, they get it right.

I really enjoy this show so far. Have just got to the episode where Justin is found unconscious at the end of it.

It is not often I am left wanting more.

The last time was with Desperate Housewives. And apart from The X-Files, which I have only just watched, the whole 9 series, for the first time, I cannot think of anything else that grabbed me like this. Oh, yes I can - SOAP. Now that was brilliant until the Religious Right got it taken off air.

Pillocks that they are.

Phillipine Prisoners

Heidelberg Visit

I have been trying to arrange our visit to Holly in Heidelberg, Germany.

We have decided on arriving there on Wednesday 23rd August and leaving Sunday 26th.

However, we cannot book up anything because the girl I am waiting to breed has not yet come in season.

Typically, the girl I do not want to breed, Shameless, started her season today.

Now this could be good because often this will encourage Luna to come in as well.

Now the boy I want to use may well be leaving the country so I have to use him now. I definitely want him to be the father of this litter.

I am just hoping that Luna plays ball and either comes in during the next week or waits until about the 18th because then we can still go and she will be ovulating when we get back.

It is a year since we went away(you may recall the awful situation we came back to) and it would be nice to go but if we can't, well we can't.

Perhaps we will have to wait until next year.

Chainsaw Massacre

I am about ready to go back to bed. I have only been up 4.5hrs.

Back to not sleeping that well because of the damn hips. I shifted over to John's side of the bed since that is vacant week nights. That gave immediate relief which last about 2 minutes.

I swam my half mile last night. This morning I took the dogs out for their walk, all 5 of them They are so well behaved. I have my walking stick in my right hand and they seem to understand they need to walk in an orderly fashion. Even Shilpa, and it was her first proper walk today.

I came back and was really fed up having to manoeuvre around the bloody bush outside our front door. John really ought to have cut it back by now. I went and borrowed the electric chopper from next door and did it myself. I might be artistic but I am no gardener. I have a feeling the bush is not going to need chopping for a long while. It might not even ever need chopping again.

Why is that some people feel they must insult/denigrate those who disagree with them? Apparently, if one doesn't believe Al Gore and all those other climate people, one is selfish, ignorant and too unintelligent to recognize the truth. mmm.

This attitude is really no different to the position fundies take if one disagrees with them - you are evil or possessed or you wouldn't disagree.

So no, of course the same words are not used to put one down, but the purpose is precisely the same.

Anyway, I do wish there more hours in the day. Or maybe more hours before I need to sleep. I feel as though I just don't get much done. When I awake later, I need to bath Nechung. Then I won't be fit for anything again but to sit and knit my sock.

Still, it could be worse and at least I can do what I do.

John and I are thinking of going to Germany in August. We will visit with Holly in Heidelberg. A major snag though may well prevent us going. Luna is due in season and her beau is all booked up. We cannot go if she is not in season and bred before we go. We will probably have to book up the Chunnel and hotels at the least minute if we do go.

Eight days!!!!

Last night I was back to not sleeping because of the pain in my hips. The steroid injection lasted 8 days.

I don't think I shall bother with that again.

Today though the sun is shining!!!!

No rain so far but more forecast. If you are not in the UK, dear reader, you may be unaware that almost all parts of the UK have been flooding this last month. The rain here has not stopped for weeks on end. So far we have not had summer.

Leeds 21st July 07

Micah was 4th of 9 and Shameless 2nd of 9.

Quiz time

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

Below is my partner of 26 years, John.

You Are An INTP

The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can. Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge. Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat. A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with. Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative. At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic

What's Your Personality Type?

Micah and Shameless

Tantra's Micah won his class today and his daughter Tantra's Shameless was 2nd in her class.

This was at East of England Championship Show.

Regia Stretch

I still haven't come up with a way of doing socks I am entirely happy with though I do find plenty of yarn that I am enamoured by! This is Regia Stretch Color (no 84). It is 70% new wool, 23% nylon and 7% polyester.

I really like this colourway. I was in the shop with John looking for some black or navy or dark grey. They didn't have any but they had this and whilst I do not need sock yarn, I couldn't resist.

Anyway, knitted entirely on 2.25mm needles, ribbing too. I got 10st and 14rw to 1" I knit it toe up with a Sherman heel. I cast off using the EZ method(sewn cast off).

I do not finish the whole 50 gms per sock. I don't want socks that are very long up the leg. It seems that I have smallish feet at 9.75" long with the ball of my foot, along with the ankle, measuring the same.

Huge Disappointment

As you know, I have taken up swimming for pain relief and for exercise.

The saddest thing about it all is that I find Speedo's have gone out of fashion.....

Gaurdians of Democracy

The UK, The EU and The USA all say they are FOR democracy and will fight for it's preservation anywhere.

What they mean is they support democracy and will fight for it's preservation as long as they agree with the politics of those that have been democratically elected.

If not, well they will do what they can to bring regime change.

Or had you not noticed that Palestine elected a government?

In a legitimate, fair and free election according to all international safeguards.

Yet the Big 3 are doing what they can to bring it down and do not recognize it.

This is bit like finding out that Santa isn't real. These defenders of democracy are nothing of the sort.

It brings into question all they do and the reasons they fight wars.

Life and Limb

So the jab in my left hip has worked so well that I am back at the Dr for the jab in to my right hip.

Here I am standing with my trousers down, modestly holding part of my underwear down and Elizabeth says:

' You do know you can only have three of these in your life time? Three in each hip.'

'No, I reply. 'Why?'

'Because there is a high risk your leg will drop off.' Or words to that effect.

(What she actually said was that there was a risk of infection in the ligaments being treated which could lead to leg being of no use. I think my way of putting it was more succinct.)

Well, I pulled my trousers up faster than when I was caught behind the bike shed with Beckham...

I decided the pain in my right hip was not that bad after all.

So pain killing injections could cause my legs to drop off. Spinal surgery could lead to total paralysis. The drugs I take could destroy my kidneys, my liver, my bowel, my stomach, my brain or my heart.

I have total faith in medical science and it's practitioners.

Honestly, I do.

The Catholic Church's Evil Grip

So after years of silence in the face of child abuse, after years of hiding paedophiles, Mother Church has bought it's way out of court by giving away billions to a small fraction of it's victims.

It isn't just that the hierarchy of the the Roman Catholic Church was complicit in the sexual abuse of children by protecting it's priests and denying the victims.

No.

Not just that.

It's whole ethos is based upon abuse. The abuse of young minds. The rape of innocents.

'GIVE ME A CHILD UNTIL HE IS SEVEN AND I SHALL GIVE YOU THE MAN'.

Hence we have millions of people worldwide who were corrupted by nuns and priests in childhood. Who were convinced in childhood of the infallibility of the Pope and his cohorts. Who were convinced that to question their authority or their love was to be booking a one way ticket to hell and damnation for all eternity.

The power of such brainwashing is immense. Thus even with those who go on to get themselves a good education, the pull of the Church remains. Fear and guilt win and even the educated person toes the line. So effectual is this method of brainwashing that the person thus brainwashed more often than not does not even question it.

So in 2007 this evil empire still has it's claws into billions of innocent ones. Will continue to abuse children. Will continue to house and hide paedophiles. Will continue to wallow in it's riches.

And the world will allow it to do so and pay lip service to love and compassion for children and human kind in general, directing it's ire toward Islam or whatever scapegoat is found next.

Anything but clean it's own shit up.

Just A Little Prick

Okay so I went to the doctor again today because this night pain is really too much and is stopping me living during the day. I have kept up my swimming but am so exhausted all the time. I can cope with day pain but night pain is not on as it stops me sleeping and I need my sleep.

I refused the injection into my hips last week. Today I agreed to it.

In my mind an 'injection into my hip' meant a huge long needle into my hip joint which is the main reason I said no.

Today, I agreed to have it done. I was talking to John whilst Stuart prepared the injection and was waiting calmly for him to do it when he suddenly said. 'There all done'.

Turns out the needle is tiny......

Anyway, it could work and it might last a week or 6 mths ...no one knows....it could also not work.