Monday, September 04, 2006

Broken Trust

This is difficult for me as I feel so much shame about this.

In short this is what happened.

I have had a very close friendship, so I thought, with someone I trusted completely. The only person other my John that I felt this about. I was wrong. very wrong.

We returned from my trip early because it was physically too much for me. I arrived home to find my 'friend' was not there, the dogs were in a mess, the house was. Like a fool, I became very concerned for my friend. No reply to phone or text. Yesterday, after a week of no contact, they turned up at my house thinking no one would be home as she had my show schedule and knew I'd be away at a show. John was in and she and her boyfriend were foiled.

Turns out this person was just in my life for the money and my generosity. I was completely taken in. I shared stuff with her that I have never shared with anyone but the therapist I used to see. She 'shared' with me too. It was all bullshit it seems.

What is worse, I never saw this coming. At no time did I ever think anything wasn't right. I am normally very careful who I let into my life. In fact this person was the one who did all the running. She always made a point of saying hello and chatting and then started to phone me. After a few months of this, I started to call back and then we had a coffee together and then it just snowballed into the best friendship I had ever had. At least that is what I thought.

Going to my dog show was really hard. I only went because the woman i go with, also disabled, trashed her car and without me couldn't go. So i went. Other than that i have stayed in. Outside just seems too big a deal for me right now.

Now my day out during the week will be no more. I can't do it on my own. I can't manage the walk or my wheelchair on my own.

Worst of all I feel totally humilated and a fucking idiot for believing in someone who was a total fraud.
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