Friday, May 06, 2011


I do not think I have ever been so shocked by the downright awfulness of people. From me, that is saying something.

Today I saw a man and woman for the first time in since Thursday 5th November 2009. I recall the exact date. I didn’t see them on that day, I spoke with the man on the phone. He wanted to bring his bitch to be bred to my Luque. I quoted him a discounted fee due to our 30 friendship. Yes, that’s right 30 years. Then he asked me if I could waive the fee until they could afford to pay it. I agreed but not happily. He then asked if he could take Luque back to his home, 210miles away. I said no, but of course I was expecting to look after his bitch for a week until she was well and truly mated and ready to go back. He clearly was not happy with that answer. He said he would speak to me later.

I have not heard from either of them since. Until today. I saw them at today’s show. I asked the woman ‘what happened'? and I got a shock I am still not over. I am so astonished. I can’t believe what a f*cking fool I was! She replied ’well you didn’t post the pedigree we asked for.’ This was so out of left field to use an Americanism. WHAT? This was a complete and utter lie for a start and is she seriously telling me she destroyed a 30 year friendship because I didn’t post a f*cking pedigree? THIRTY YEARS?????

I started to shake. Not because I was hurt or upset. I was LIVID and still am. Absolutely so. How could I have been so f*cking stupid?

A few years back John let it be known to me he was not happy with continuing a friendship with them because he said they were talking advantage of me. We had lent them them £1500 a few years previously and still had not had the repayment and in fact it cost US because WE paid the interest on the credit card we gave them the money from. Over the years they had had a lot from me. When I used their stud they had the gall to charge me! And not a reduced fee! They still owed us money!Not only that, they had started to show and buy stock while they owed us money. This after saying the would never get involved in showing again. In the 80's I bought two dogs from them. One I returned and the other I never ever had. It was sold again to Sweden. I never saw any of my money back. Not a pound. I gave them several Persian cats for free. When I wanted a kitten, I was told no. I even paid their f*cking petrol to come and see a litter at my house! We sent cash Xmas presents. And they can't even let me have a damn dog mated for nothing which costs them nothing and would have been a nice gesture.

How could I have fallen for it all. How I could I have accepted all this. Believe me, I was offended, deeply so but was far too concerned about hurting them by saying anything. Now I don't give a toss. They have shown EXACTLY the type of people they are.


I am fairly certain the reason he did not come on Friday November 6th and they did not call me again is because they could not believe I said NO to them. How dare he even ask to take my stud to their home 210miles away? I said no because 1. I knew they didn’t trust that I knew how to provide a stud service-the lack of respect and 2. I KNEW I’d be the one who would have had to do the round trip to get him home and it would have been at my expense. They certainly did not any point ask for a pedigree to be posted. I saw her face when she saw me across the hall. I saw her speak to him. She just made that up as something to say and immediately put the blame on me but it made her look so f*cking shallow and petty. Who ends a 30 yr friendship over a lack of post???

Me being me, I felt John was being harsh. After all we have been friends since 1982. All thru my many trials she had been there to listen. I felt I couldn’t just end our friendship and besides I refused to see they were using me. I had suspected for sometime they did not respect me but I preferred denial than confrontation.

These two people will NEVER know what else we have done for them. She will never know what we have protected her from and he will never know what a creep I always found him but my love for his wife forced me to choose to always include him and treat him like the surrogate father she expected.

I am glad I kept my cool today. She and he would have seriously regretted it if I had not and let rip. I would NOT do that. Even now I would not do that.

I am just so shocked to find out that I was completely wrong about this woman. Not him. I know what he is. But her. Yes, I knew she wasn’t the perfect mother as I used to think because she raised 5 children and never hit them. Yes, I did take her off the pedestal I had her on as I got well and began to see all people as fallible. Of course her expressing shock and anger and disbelief at the treatment of me by my own parents was one reason I felt toward her the way I did.

They became the parents I never had.

It was all a f*cking con! I was being used! My generous and giving nature was being taken advantage of and I although I did begin to suspect this was the case, my loyalty to them would not allow me to say anything. I preferred to go to my grave NEVER saying anything because they had ‘been so good to me’. Bollocks. SHE did what she chose to do for her own ends.

I know this is no reflection on me. None at all. These are disgusting, disloyal, untruthful, despicable people who took advantage of my vulnerability many years ago and kept it going all this time because I kept giving!

I am still completely astounded but I am glad it has finally come to this because I feel guilt free. I no longer have any doubt about my suspicions. I no longer disagree with John. I am free of them. I am free of this guilty feeling I have unnecessarily carried since that weekend in November 09, thinking I should call them. In fact I did call them! I called them on the Monday the day after the show. I know because Whitney won the CC the day before. I got the answer-phone! Yet, I have still wondered if I was wrong to wait for them to do the right thing.

Yet here I am, stunned at just how wrong about people I can be. No wonder I find trust such a difficult thing. No wonder at all.

I have run out of things to say. I am just so shocked. I would never ever ever, no matter what, have believed the woman could be this callous and vile. Never. I have no choice but believe it now. None at all.

Thankfully my inner change is strong, set, and real. At NO time have I doubted myself. At no time have I thought I deserved this. At no time have I thought this was my fault. It wasn’t. In the last 30 years I have treated both these people really well despite his appalling treatment of me and John and I protected her from it. I was always loving and generous. So I made a mistake. They didn’t make a mistake. The were cold and calculated and deliberate in using me and taking advantage of my good nature.

Shame on them. Shame on them.

If one thing I have learned is that friendships are not meant to make me feel bad. If they do, end them there and then! Control freaks are not for me.


Annick said...

Well Colin, life is like that... what to say ; just hope they will read your post.
Muche love

FuguesStateKnits said...

Shame on them indeed! But, do you realize how utterly AWESOME it is that you can see them for what they are and realize that it isn't and wasn't you?! That's wonderful! (OK, just call me Pollyanna, LOL:))

Iris said...

Better rid of false friends. This is unbelievable behavior.

Nan said...

I'm so sorry that you had to discover this in such a manner. Of course, you're shocked, stunned, etc. but you're also very clear on where the fault lies and are not taking it on yourself.

Hopefully, you'll be able to move past it soon and spend your time with friends more worthy of your affections.

AR said...

A very strong post Colin.
And as such has added to your strength and belief that truly it is THEY and NOT YOU who are at fault.
You are well rid of them.
They seem to have been more 'con artists' then friends.

Best Regards

Barbara Phelps said...

Well,this just proves what I have thought all along, what a kind giving man you are. So glad that you are not feeling guilty for any of this, if you were, then they would still be hurting you.Take comfort in the fact that you know you did all you could to be a good friend to them. Try your best to put it behind you, I know easier said than done. Sending prayers and good thoughts for you and your health.

Georgina said...

Oh Colin - I am so sorry that your wonderful character was so taken advantage of. I disagree with the comment that 'life is like that'. I don't believe, even though I have had similar, although nowhere near as manipulative,treatment from 'friends'that the world is populated only by the deceitful and cruel. About ten years ago I had a lightbulb moment and saw that I was surrounded by such people. I had a breakdown and became very isolated. What I now see is that there are people who are good and kind and generous and that it is hard for them (you, us) to believe or understand qualities as alien to us as greed, callousness and falsity. Those weak individuals who feel they can only survive by duplicity are drawn to kindness, like bees to nectar. I have very few friends now and often feel lonely and slightly envy the social whirl some people seem to inhabit - but in my heart I know that the few friends I do have are decent to the core and precious beyond measure. As are you.

janalee said...

Oh, I am sorry. How disappointing for you! And yes, shame on them.