DRESSED TO DEFLECT

I really had the hump when I got up this morning. I had a bad night.  It was like the nights I had every night prior to the gabapentin.

I had intended to go swimming this morning but I am unable to.  My gut is playing up far too much to make swimming anything other than a very risky proposition.

On a dog forum that I was on I made a joke at MY expense.  Unfortunately, the humour was not seen and it supposedly offended some  people.  Since I still do not see anything at all offensive about my comment I left the forum lest I make another such comment because I have no way of judging since I still cannot see what on earth was wrong with what I wrote.  Dog people it would seem are ultrasensitive and if they are not offended will find reason to be.  Dog showing for me is an enormous struggle just because of my own difficulties and I really don’t need to be caretaking on top of that. I accept that I could be completely in the wrong, the point being though I cannot see what was wrong with the comment so rather than risk offending again, I find it safer to leave.

I am heartily sick and tired of hearing how fixed, crooked, and political dog showing is. People say this to me knowing that I have a top winning bitch and the suggestion that the only reason she was a top winner is because of crooked political or fixed judging seems to escape them!

Quite simply, a good dog will always make it.  I am a nobody.  I have absolutely no clout whatsoever in the world of dogs.  I started showing seriously in June 2006 and from my very first show my dog was nearly always placed in the top three. This is because I have shown good dogs and not any other reason.  Those people who are always bitching about how facey and crooked and political the whole thing is, need to look at the quality of their dogs because that is where the problem lies.

Yes, of course there are judges who lack integrity or knowledge.  I am not denying that. I have been on the receiving end of crooked judging and it is not nice.  Not nice at all. However, there is more than enough decent honest judging that one can discount those judges who lack integrity.  It is up to the exhibitor to decide for themselves which judges these are.

I know of a few backyard breeders who justify what they do, breeding dogs ignorantly and adding to the problems that individual breeds face, by stating that the dog world was mean to them and they will not have anything to do with it but they are all knowledgeable and will breed their dogs anyway.  I have no time for such people.  One of them just told me that they had a whole litter of perfect Lhasa Apso specimens.  This comment in itself shows how ignorant they are as not even the top breeders would say such a thing because it is not true and extremely unlikely to be! What fuels these people is bitterness and jealousy and instead of taking the correct attitude of wanting to learn and listen to those of us with experience and knowledge they carp and bitch and whine about how awful we are. Ego. Ego. Ego. 

Prior to Whitney being such a winner people people were much more friendly than they are now because now they see me as part of a conspiracy to keep them down.  It never occurs to them that the real problem is 1.their attitude and 2.  What they have on the end of their lead.

I very much enjoy dressing the way that I do for dog shows. Yes, it does indeed take nerve to do it.  However, it has had the desired effect and my disabilities are no longer the most obvious thing about me.  Job done. (I still have  to steel myself every show.)

Although I always respond gracefully, I have come to realise that I do find it invasive of people, of acquaintances, to ask of me “what is wrong with you?”.  For a start there is nothing wrong with me at all.  I have serious health issues but that does not mean there is anything “wrong” about me.  You may well think I am being pedantic but having grown up constantly being told that I was wrong and not good enough I really do not like this way of phrasing the question.  Not only that, but I deal with my health issues by not thinking about them and I really do not like it when I am asked this question for no reason other than idle curiosity.  I know that people are not being mean. They are just unthinking. I could drop dead at any time, you would be surprised how many people live with such conditions, and really the best thing for me to do is to not think that way.  Besides, this really could apply to anybody because who of us knows the time and date of our death? It is also not easy because I do not have a one disease answer! I have several different conditions, one of which is still under investigation and could well be for a long time yet.  See, I told you it is not easy for me to answer.  Besides, you give an answer and then they want an explanation because they don’t understand your answer! I tried to make light of it by saying I have FSS, Fucked Spine Syndrome. That is only one of my problems! I just don’t feel comfortable talking about myself in this way and I don’t really see why I am expending energy on justifying myself over this.

I have a very close friend who has similar conditions to me and only with her do I talk about the realities.

I am not in denial about my conditions.  When I say I do not think about them I do not mean that I deny their existence I just do not let it be the main focus of my thinking.  The last thing I need to add to the mix is self-pity and misery.  Despite my best efforts I still have days like today where I feel hurt and miserable and frustrated.imagine then how much more so I would be if I did not take the necessary emotional and spiritual steps to ensure the best possible mental attitude.

I am reading to books at the moment both of which are non—fiction.  Both deal with the survival of consciousness after physical death and the very real evidence that exists which gives credence to this proposition.  Evidence that is accepted as genuine by doctors and professors of science.  Not quacks and ignoramuses that some scientists would have us believe.  I have always known this fact but it is good to read these books because they are able to lay open the deceit and closed mindedness of the most vociferous scientists. I was most disappointed recently to have somebody, who I had hitherto respected the views of, say to me that the evidence for survival of consciousness had been roundly dismissed by the scientists he respected and he therefore had no need to look into it himself.  I was astounded to say the least because I really did not expect such a response from this person.

Scientists like everybody else are human beings too and they know full well that if they accept the evidence that consciousness does indeed survive physical death it would mean them having to rethink the whole basis of their lives and thinking and no one wants to do this as it is extremely disorientating and painful.  However, at the same time these people are suppose to worship truth and by dismissing real evidence that they are indeed playing the precise game that religious fundamentalists do.

Say that all of the evidence for the survival of consciousness after physical death is produced by credulous people or by fraud is in itself credulous!  Some of the explanations given by some scientists for the supposedly evidence is even more outrageous than the idea that consciousness survives physical death!  To bring into question this morass of tea and credentials of scientists who do accept this evidence is nothing short of intimidation and bullying that we see from the religious fundamentalists.

I have some yarn to post.  I am also almost finished with a pair of socks and will probably blog them later today.  These socks seem to have been on the needles for ages and I was very surprised to realise last night that I had very nearly finished them.  I also have on the needles the beginnings of a pair of socks for John.