Saturday, May 03, 2008


My initial contact:

would you tell me how father is, please?



Dear Colin,
It took me a while to work out who this email was from, I strung together Lhasa Apsos and Knitting to figure it out, it ended up in my spam box.
I am currently in China, I've been here since last November. I sold my house in South Africa after having experienced a terrible ordeal in an armed robbery.
Dad has been living in London for almost two years now and my official address is his house. Dad has re-married, you may know that, and his wife is South African. They are considering moving back to South Africa later this year.
I am back in the UK as of 15th May and go to Argentina for several months in June in order to learn Spanish and to do some work.
How are you keeping?
You may want to see Dad before he moves again, he will be 80 this year.
Thank you for your response. I would like for you to let me know if the situation with father changes. I would rather not be in the situation of ignorance again as I was with mother. (I thought he was 80 next year- Dec 1929 his birth). I received communication from mother via mediums which I rejected because of my ignorance.

I can be contacted at this address or you can contact John at:

(email addresses)

Dear Colin,
I find it rather odd that you are making a request from me and yet you fail to even address me as a real living person. Your first email was virtually anonymous, which is how it ended up being filtered by my system into my spam box. For some reason, I decided to check it today as a huge amount came in at once, so that go me curious. Otherwise, your email would never have been seen and without even knowing it, it simply would have been deleted.
You want something and yet you clearly show that you want nothing to do with us at the same time through your lack of use of names etc, or so it would appear. This is confusing to me.
I will of course inform you of any changes regarding Dad's health or presence with us. You may consider looking at an opportunity for healing in the here and now instead of waiting for Dad to pass over and having a conversation with him via a medium after the event. You must find your own way of course, only a suggestion. These things usually only beg one question - do we want peace or do we want to be right?
You are correct, Dad is 79 this year.
My Response:

You wrote:

I will of course inform you of any changes regarding Dad's health or presence with us.

Thank you.

Your concern regarding my peace of mind is surprising and unnecessary. I am at peace with myself and with life. You seem to not understand that it was my family that rejected me, not the other way around. I have come to terms with that. I am glad to be who I am and I see clearly who missed out here.

As for seeing you as living real person, I think that is projection on your part because you have never treated me anything like a person, but rather as an object that didn't ever matter. I know only too well that you are real.

This is all water under the bridge. For me at any rate. I thank you again for at least agreeing to let me know should father go over before I do.

I think it best that our communications are left to that. I have given you the benefit of the doubt twice, in 94 and in 05 and both times what started out promising ended with you spewing hatred out at me and, like you always have, blaming me. You might want to look at that, especially in light of what you do.

There has never been a bond between us. Never. You have never shown me anything but contempt, mockery and hatred. I fail to understand why you think there can be anything I want from you.

I know you won't believe it, because it won't suit you, but I really do not hate you. I do feel compassion for you. I know where you came from. I only wish the best for you.

I think maybe you can't get your head around the fact that I am whole despite my family. I survived, I survived well. I live, I don't just exist and I don't carry that filth with me anymore. I am free of you and hopefully you can find that same freedom.

If it was not for my own spiritual gift and the fact John and I attend church on a regular basis
I would not have asked this of you. I do hope you can keep your word. It is all I ask of you.



LizzieK8 said...

You're far braver than I, Colin. My relationship with my family is about the same as yours, although it appears you were smarter younger than I was.

I avoid contact with everyone except one brother who remains neutral in the ongoing emotional heap known as my family.

Anonymous said...

Wow! This is powerful. You came out of this way on top, my friend.

AR said...

Congratulations Colin.

What strength you have shown.
You're right you DO have a life and a good one.
And with John by your side long may it continue.
You have no need of the 'naysayers' be they related or not.

Fibreaddict said...

~Catching up on my blog reading~

Colin, what a wonderful high road you have taken. The strength in your correspondence is inspiring. I think that for those of us who have family issues, to see the strength of someone going through it too, is inspiring. It may not be easy. But you could have been nasty. And you weren't.

Way to go.