Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Oh Sh*t!!!

It was dark, very dark. His body seemed weightless. He felt like he was floating. He felt lost.
Up ahead he could see some people gathered in a group. Not clearly, just the outline of them as they appeared to be standing in a fuzzy light. As he wondered about them, he drew closer. Now he was almost amongst them but he still couldn't make anyone out distinctly and the light that enveloped them was still hazy and strange.

Suddenly, he was standing in front of his Aunt J. She smiled at him, placing her arms around him and drawing him close.

'You can't stay, ' she said. 'It isn't your time. You must go back.'

He opened his eyes. The light was bright and it hurt. He looked down at his arm, which hurt like hell. He saw tubing sticking into him and as he saw it, he recalled....

'Trust this one to eat!' he heard a woman say, as she was forcing a tube down his throat. He then felt something sharp being forced into the back of his hand.

Now awake, he was angry and afraid. He pulled the tubing out of his arm and blood immediately sprayed from him. He reached up to his face, having realised something was covering him and he pulled away the mask he found there.

In a very short time, a nurse was restraining him, talking soothingly.

'You are a very lucky boy,' she said, smiling kindly at him.

"F*ck off!" he replied. He did not feel lucky at all. In fact he felt terrified and very very angry.

He realised he was alive. He also realised he couldn't die. There was no excape. Death was an illusion. There was no death. What was he going to do?
Terror filled him like nothing he had ever experienced before. There was no escape! He was stuck. Nothing he could do to end his suffering.

He told no one of his short visit with Aunt J. He knew what it meant. Now he was scared to die and to live. What a terrible place to be. His mind couldn't take it in and he sank deep within himself. He stayed within himself for a long time. He did as he was told, he took their pills, he stopped fighting.

Until the day it dawned on him what meeting Aunt J had really meant. He came to terms with the fact that what he hoped was oblivion, his death, was not the end after all. And he didn't have to fear not being able to stop life.

He began his journey toward peace.

1 comment:

Mama Sunshine said...

I have had a similar experience to this one Colin only it wasn't an aunt it was my father who was waiting to take me over to the other side. I am now in the very enviable position of not being afraid to die and I like to share my experience with others too. It is very comforting to know that we will all be together again one day and the feeling of peace that enveloped me when I was there with him has remained with me ever since. It is a true gift from God having the knowledge that all will be good in the end! :)