NUREMBERG

It has been a good day in Nuremberg. Very tiring. Cold. Good though. Almost had an accident going up the hill to the Kaisers Palace. It became very steep and the cobbled ‘road’ developed a camber and I lost control of Big Daniel and very nearly toppled over or went speeding down hill. John stopped me. This rather put us off and I was annoyed as we were told there was disabled access and this was not it! We made our back and I saw a tunnel and I said to John that we should see where it led. It led to a road and I followed it because I had a hunch it would lead to the Palace. It did, from the other side, which was already level with the highest part so all we had to do was go over a walkway over the ‘moat’.

I have done some walking. Mainly because riding in Big Daniel on cobbles is rather disconcerting and becomes uncomfortable quickly.

We had a very good fish lunch at a chain we have eaten at before called NordSee which serves only fish meals. Fresh and well cooked. Such a shame we have nothing to compare in the UK unless one thinks fish and chips and mushy peas is good cooking. Here we had to choose form various vegetables and sauces. All fresh.

Saw a hunk of a man. About 6ft 4”. In cycling gear which he filled out very well.He was dark haired and tanned, hair swept backwards.  Very handsome and all male. Italian looking I suppose, and with the most amazing legs and rear. Not ripped, which I do not find attractive at all. I think muscles look better with a certain amount of body fat. The ripped lean look is too hard and cold for my taste.

Tomorrow we move onto Mannheim and ‘home’. It is like going home because we have stayed several times before. We know what to expect, they know us, the room is large and well equipped. I am sure I will take a nap as soon as we arrive because I will feel okay to. Like I said, it will be like being at home. Our friends Lia and Lui and Nan also live in the area so we will be meeting up at some point.

I have discovered something about myself I had not noticed before. Prior to my disease progressing to this point, I was easy going about where we went, what happened. I was spontaneous. We have had several holidays where we just go into the car, went thru the Chunnel, and then just drove around, staying where and when we needed to. We saw a load of amazing places. Now I can’t do that. We have to plan ahead. I also cannot do as much. In fact this trip has shown me in no uncertain terms that I am further down the path than I would like. We will have to re-consider future trips. I am ill and exhausted today, though having just been in my room for the last 3 . 5 hrs has helped me rally.

As usual, I digress. I have discovered that the way I cope with my disease is thru careful planning and knowing what to expect. When things do not go plan, I get upset very quickly. Almost to the point of panic. I have felt almost guilty about my reaction, seeing as that of a spoiled child. I tend to think the worst of myself. To be fair to myself, it isn’t anything of the sort. I am independent and do not like, let expect, being waited upon hand and foot. I get exasperated with John at times for being too helpful. Anyway, when plans go awry and my needs are either not met or threaten not to be, OR I feel I am at the mercy of others, then I am very flustered. I didn’t know this until this trip and specifically when we arrived in Dresden where things were not as expected straight away. Once I was able to think around the new situation and assure my safety, I relaxed again. In fact until I wrote that word, I had appreciated that this was the root of my planning-my safety. I just realised why. My disease makes me vulnerable. Not just in feeling vulnerable, but actually being vulnerable. (I no longer pick up hitch-hikers for this reason-I could not defend myself if needed.)

I can’t believe a whole week has passed since we left home.

What this trip has shown me is that we could not do Barcelona as I cannot drive that far in only 2-3 days. This trip has shown me that my disease has progressed enough to make even this trip difficult on me. Not just pain wise but sheer fatigue. Today, I got quite shock when at the point I felt really bad, i took a good whack of Morphine and I did not feel any better. I may have had less pain but I was still feeling wretched. We are going to re-visit the idea of cruising. The river cruise we did in Koblenz was nice and neither of us got sea-sick and the river cruisers do not have the stability of ocean liners. We are both perturbed by the notion of being locked up with a load of people we do not know and not being able to get away. Yet, I am now seriously concerned that we have to find a different way of taking a break as this road trip stuff is getting difficult.

Would You Rephrase That?

Yesterday we visited Dawn and Ron and we saw Boo and Moon, two of my girls that now live with them. (Boo was not named by me, I named her Shilpa.) Dawn and Ron were surprised to see us. I didn't tell them we would visit because I wasn't sure how I would feel after we did what we had to at my flat. I called her to tell her to put the kettle on just before we left for the 20 minute drive from my flat to her house.

I have had strange dreams again. Last night's was not pleasant and featured my mother. The first time she has featured in an unpleasant dream since I came to terms with her.

My mood has been volatile recently too. I think partly because of the lack of swimming. Actually, a big part is that. My usual pool was shut for a month. I did go to the other one but it is really primitive with crap facilities and the only way for me to get in the pool was to jump in and the only way out was to be hoisted out on a chair attached to a crane for this purpose. Not only does it rather draw attention to one's problems, but it feels precarious. Anyway, then this pool closed too! I will be back to my normal swimming routine tomorrow of Monday.

I am back to being very stiff so John has to help me dress and undress. On the drive yesterday we had to stop at the service station for food and drink. I went to the loo and found I could not stand up again. I pulled the emergency cord and a panicked looking woman came charging thru the door, as she had a key. I told her to calm and then said:

'Will you tell the man standing out there with a beard that he needs to come and pull me off.....'

Shameless and her puppies are doing well. Shameless is finally eating plenty. It is common for mums to go off eating when they are pregnant and also, strangely, after they give birth. This is when they really need food, especially with 7 puppies! So she has been tempted with all sorts of treats to not much success. Today I had great success with her ordinary Royal Canin (excellent food) with the broth left over after boiling up chicken and offal poured over it.

I have three dog shows this month, two next month, and then Cruft's in March and then it's soon really busy for dog shows for the rest of the year. John and I have to work out our diaries so we can go away at a time convenient for him work wise and a time when the judge is not a good one for me so missing the show won't matter. It won't be easy I think to arrange.

We want to go to Barcelona and also to Budapest. We can't do both. In order to do either we need 2 weeks as we will drive. yes it's much quicker to fly, we know and then we would only need a week. However, as we have to take a wheelchair
it is much easier to drive. It also gives us the freedom we need. Plus if I get bad, we just come home. All in all, it is much better to drive. Too tied otherwise.

We are still thinking about a cruise. John's concerned is that once we have left port it is too late if I find I can't handle it. Mine is being controlled. I am told that there are formal cruises with set dinner times and tables etc and then there are informal ones where you can do as you please and eat at your leisure and at your own table. I would detest being regimented. I think with a ship being so large, I will not feel hemmed in. Mmmm, really not sure. I like the idea very much but will the reality be enjoyable? It is a rather expensive trip if one ends up not enjoying it. If only I wasn't such a pain!