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In response to comments regarding the death of Whitney Houston:
I feel nothing but compassion for her.
I think people too readily condemn her or are harsh because they think that money and and fame are a cure all.
I also think they let jealousy get in the way.
Addiction is a terrible affliction. If she had died of cancer or diabetes I don't believe would be mean spirited about her death. the woman died because of an illness, one that causes terrible suffering to all
concerned.
Many people are obese and whilst people are mean about fat people, I don't recall anyone slamming <Mama Cass for her death, or come to think ofit Karen Carpenter who died as a direct result of her addiction. Elvis? He is practically worshipped.
Then there are other addictions-OCD-like constant washing, tidy freaks, etc. Why do we pick out booze and drugs as far worse and also a totally self inflicted problem, when we tend to have compassion for anorexics, bulimics, neat freaks, clean freaks, and a host of other addictions. And yes they DO all have victims.
We ALL pay the cost of food addiction in tax and healthcare costs for example, children losing their parents too young because they were overweight.
I think what makes people angry is the that Whitney Houston, thru her life and death, has shown that what we think of as the cure, wealth and fame, is no such thing and that scares us stupid because we all think if we were that rich, our problems would disappear. No they would not.
Rich or poor, we are still who we are. I am sure Ms Houston lived under the same illusion and this would have increased her suffering not lessened it. Then of course there is death itself: our biggest fear and now we are in the business of dealing with the fear of our own death by blaming everyone else for theirs! If we eat right, exercise right, do this right, or that right, think this way or that way, follow the true path et etc etc we will not die.
Bollocks but a very powerful incentive nonetheless for us to continue to find reasons why it is THEIR fault for dyeing. Weak people LOSE their BATTLE with cancer! Or they SUCCUMB to MS. Or, most commonly, they did something wrong and brought it upon themselves. Thus we, who are good, will not suffer so. Bad things do not happen to good people do they?
I don't do it. Never have done it. I hate it. You do it, and it needs doing again. Don't do it and you don't have to not do it again. Not doing it just once is enough. I like that.
Now that I am crippled, no one asks why I don't nor comments on it. I like that. Ssee, there is a silver lining to every cloud.
I DO keep my dogs clean and tidy. And myself. So my house does not smell. It's just not tidy. If you are a neat freak or don't like dogs, you aint welcome.
Oh and I grew up with a neat freak and that is why I am not. My OCD went in other directions.
When I really think something has to be done, I seek out a neat freak at the local OCD clinic to come and blitz my house. They love it, do it for free, and their family gets some respite from them.
The price of fuel has gone up very much now. I can't not drive so I have been driving more slowly. I drive at a steady 40 to the pool instead of 70. It adds only 4 mins to the trip but I get 64mph instead of 46! (my car tells me how much I use).
More importantly, this driving more slowly made me realise that I am always in a hurry and I have no need to be. I do everything as if I am late or have a deadline or if there is not going to a tomorrow. This helps to make me more tense than I would otherwise be. (the aching and pain make me tense).
I also realised that there is no hurry to knit up my sock yarn. I have been eyeing it, and I have enough to knit a pair every week for the next 3 years. So what? Why do I need to knit it up more quickly? What is the rush?
I think this ties in with the hypervigilance. Not only am I always on high alert, constantly monitoring myself and my world for hazard and danger but I am also always hurrying! I bath a dog and I bath it as quickly as I can. Why? I type on my blog and I do that as quickly as I can. Strangely, I do not knit as fast as I could. I am more steady with that probably because I am moire interested in doing a good job. However, my overall attitude is one of 'get it done'.
This of course just adds on pressure. I know where this need to hurry stems from but it isn't necessary now. I am a grown up and I have no one screaming at me to hurry.
This is a habit that will take a while to break I would think. I already feel the benefits of slowing down though in just the last couple of days. Strange how the need to conserve fuel has also brought my own need to slow down to my attention.
I may have mentioned before that one of manifestations of my OCD is to check things over and over. It used to be so bad I didn't go out cos it wasn't worth it. The major way I deal with it is to leave my home slowly. I check that the gas is off and I say so to myself, then the back door, the telly, whatever I have to do, I do it consciously and say so out loud to myself. I can then leave and get into my car. If I get that awful pull in my gut to go back and check, I can mostly just say-NO! Everything is fine you have checked. It's safe to leave. Not being perfect, drats, I do sometimes have to go back and check all over again but it is nothing like it used to be.
When I think about it, I have overcome rather a lot in my life. Anorexia, bulimia, agoraphobia, OCD, smoking, self harming, to name just a few.
I am beginning to allow myself to enjoy what I have - today. To believe I am allowed to experience pleasure and enjoy it. To laugh does not mean it will end in tears as I was taught. That pleasure does not equal sin as I was taught. That all I care for and love will not be snatched away from me as my growing up experience taught me.
I do know that all things, good and bad, come to pass, not to stay, That is why i really do live within the day. It is an ingrained habit now. I never even think about tomorrow -at least not consciously.
Now I just need to get this slowing down lark settled well in .......
