Saturday, June 15, 2013


 Since I had decided to withdraw somewhat from the Internet I have been feeling so much better. I had found that being immersed in all of the news articles I read which were linked to me by well-meaning friends or just friends from Facebook gave me a very slewed view of what was going on in the world.

I came to believe that the maturity of the world were hateful homophobic racists and that I was surrounded by them. These articles of course had comments allowed and so I got involved in leaving comments which in turn had comments left and which I interned replied to ad infinitum.

I did eventually stopped the commenting or at least I left my comment and then I did not go back as I had no wish to get into arguments.

However this still left me with the erroneous view that the vast majority of people were hateful bigots. I received the following hateful and ignorant letter from a from a  person who then  said tehy knew I would be hurt t=but they were going to defriend me!

"I am lost for words over your writing and rants against me and my kind!!!! as you put it. (This is my writing about how furious I was at those , soem friends, who would vote away my legal rights to line their pocket)
What have we done to deserve it ..............I ask you!!!
Well the answer is simple really.....
We work 24 hours a day seven days a week to keep ourselves, our families and you!!
We never claimed benefits preferring to do whatever it takes to earn a decent living to look after our families and ourselves and to pay our taxes , yet we are at the mercy of those like yourself, that would run us down and make judgement against us.
I have absolutely no problem with contributing to society and the needs of it, however, I do object to the abuse it can throw in my direction for doing so.
I do object to you having me on your friends list and using me to ram your thoughts, political or otherwise down my throat as a thank you for the support I give.
Where do you think your benefits come from..........some politicians comes from mine!! and THE MAN IN THE STREET!! that you are happy to run down for being what we consider decent and normal..........(There we have it she is normal because she si heterosexual!)
I have many heterosexual, bi sexual and gay friends. They are friends, I don't see them by their sexual orientation, but as good honest human beings, leading a full and productive life and contributing to society and the world around us, as do many others.(She just doesn't see them as normal)
You have obviously had a traumatic upbringing and every decent human being would have sympathy towards you..........(utter tosh-no one with any empathy would have written such a vile and cruel letter)how much more productive would it be to seek out organisations or individuals going through the same trauma that you did and offer help and support to them. How much more benefit to mankind would be the hours you put into having a go at us, have on an individual needing time and love and support from someone that has gone through what you say you have be to them.(How arrogant can you get? She knows NOTHING about my work with the abused 24/7. Would she put herself out there so publicly as an childhood raper surivivor who parents hated her? No she wouldn't have the balls))
We all have our own personal demons to deal with, cruelty and emotional problems inflicted on us as children and adults, it is what we choose to make of those moments in our lives and how we move on from them. (once again she has the arrogance to write as if she knows me and clearly knows nothing about me)
There always comes a time of understanding of the people that inflicted them, our responses and how we can rise from the ashes they wished to create. (out of the mouth of the ignorant again. I HAVE risen out of the ashes. As for understanding people mwho hate their children, I admit to failing that.))
Since I have been back in the UK I see at shows those that claim and abuse the Disability and Mobility Allowance and have cars etc provided for them by the tax payer, and all the support that is rightly afforded to someone that has complete mobility problems, claiming for helpers etc.
How do they justify, getting up in the early hours, preparing their dogs the same day or the day before, and if it is a coated breed bathing and grooming for hours on end, bending over baths, twisting and turning, using back muscles, shoulder muscles, leg muscles etc etc, bending down to poop scope, spinal cords in operation here, plus supporting muscles.
The exercise that is needed for a dog to be at its prime, walking or running it according to the breed, week in week out. More than a normal office worker would use.
The energy to get up in the early hours, drive for miles , unload a car, load a trolley, pull a loaded trolley, sometimes over the worst terrain, push the bonds of energy and strength, not to mention a day travelling and showing at a show......
Then they run around the ring..............bend over almost to touch their toes...........and say HEY...............I AM DISABLED!! Sorry but if you can do all this you are not DISABLED or IMMOBILE!!!
Does not all this sound more like the commitment of an athlete..............
Oh I forgot they are on medication. would not the same medication be able to help them work!!!!
Take a look in a hospital word...........see the true disabled and immobile......
(This really shows how bitter and jealous and ignorant she is and show she does NOT know me. None has ever seen me run in the ring, many have seen me fall in the ring, many have been kind enough to keep me on my feet. PLUS she has no idea if I am in receipt of DLA or not. All assumptions made from bitterness and jealousy. Why? Maybe because I have a husband of 32 years who loves me and who takes care of me and she has no one.)
MAKE A DIFFENCE USE THE ABUSE YOU HAD............get out there and talk to the young help them with your experiences...........who better than someone that is gone through it....... (Now this is true ignorance and arrogance talking-I have spent years raising money, travelling the country talking, until my diseases stopped it, and I still daily answer emails and suggest healing resources to the hundreds who write to me.How dare she assume I I do nothing?)
So I not sit in judgement of those that you do not wish to judge you !!!!!!!!! (Precisely!)

Why did I not just dump this email? Well, for one, this person is charming. I wanted a constant remeinder to never fall for her wicked charms again. It has taken this long to find the answers I wanted to respond with. Her homophobia and her bigotry toward the disabled could not be more obvious nor could her ignorance of both.

The letter really really hurt me. It shocked me. I had no idea it was coming. I was shocked from whom it came. The venom it displayed toward me is truly astounding. It is the letter of a narcissist. I am only glad I found out early on what they were like because I could easily have grown to love this person and then get hit by this which would have been far more painful. If  I deleted this email I might never remember that it was sent and could easily be convinced that it didn't say what it did.

 I did not expect to include this letter in this article but it is fitting because it came during that very dark time when I believe that the world was full of hateful bigots and this letter did nothing to contradict that.

I know that people like this exist but they are not the majority.

So you see that for many months I was immersed in reading hateful article is about hateful people in the news and thinking that this was the majority of what was going on around me. It is not. Journalists like nothing better than a good controversial story so they flood us with them. In turn this can make us feel that our world is very much worse than it actually is. I am not kidding when I say that I was completely shocked at the passing in Parliament and the House of Lords with such a huge majority of the same-sex marriage Bill. To also then discover that the vast majority of the British public are in favour of marriage equality was also a real eye-opener.

So since I have dropped all this negative shit out of my life, as best I can, I have not only been happier, I have lost more weight, I am not constantly craving food, and I am being much more creative, I have just finished hand knitting a pair of socks and I have just finished machine knitting a cashmere and cotton sweater which I am in the process of selling up and I have died half a dozen hanks of yarn. (My speech to type does not differentiate between die and die  but I know that my readers are intelligent enough to know what I mean.) I am much less of a bear to live with and I no longer feel that the Nazi jackboots are about to kick my adoring and haul me off  to a concentration camp.  however I am not so stupid as to think that this could not happen if the evil bigots grew vastly in number and power and iamb not stupid enough to think that many who know me would allow them to.

But for today this is not happening and full today I am happy and iamb living life to the very best of my ability f*cked body and all.


Marsha said...

Yeah Colin! I'm glad that you have been able to break out of the darkness that was overwhelming you. Your pro-active approach to disengage from the news and haters is good. Welcome back!

Congrats on losing some weight too!

I look forward to more happy blogs about the dogs and knitting projects!

Georgina said...

Wow! She did let rip. One thing that may result from this (apart from you protecting yourself from her hitherto secret prejudices)is that she may slowly come to realise, through re-reading her own torrent of anger, that she is actually prejudiced and one day she may grow towards the light instead of being a root vegetable! Meanwhile, you shine on!! XX

Iris said...

I've been out of touch lately. I missed several of your posts. This one is unbelievable, though. What people fail to remember is the fact they DO NOT KNOW everything about people they meet casually. I daresay only John knows you as well as this person seems to think she does. You are better shed of her. i'm betting that, one day, she will get exactly the treatment she has tendered to you. What arrogance!