Innocent Slips Of The Tongue (warning rude bits)

We have a new central heating control. I knew how to work it but it was the first time John had seen it.

I yelled upstairs, 'would you put the heating on please?'

He yelled back, 'how?'

My reply was, 'just put in on cont.'

He yelled back, 'there's no need to be rude!'.

Having been taken aback I then said, 'no, click the button until CONT shows on the screen.'


I had my hair cut today.

Sue and I mentioned how we don't go thru the night without peeing now. She complained that her partner took forever. I was trying to find a polite way of explaining why a night time pee for man is not easy.
'I know it takes time. We can't just pee when it is pointing upward. It makes it hard.'
Her response was, ' I see where you are coming from.'

At that we both burst out laughing.

Last night at my spiritual meeting I was discussing with two women a news item about Sphinx cats. They are hairless and delightful. I knew someone who bred them. I said stroking them was like stroking a suede hot water bottle. Carol was walking by and asked 'what's like a suede hot water bottle?' and I replied ' a hairless pussy' without thinking. Well, you should have heard these ladies roar. I went red but also saw the funny side.

Reminds me of how my dear friend Sarah, her of the very posh voice, said to me at Cruft's , in earshot of a few hundred people, that she looked at my thing every night! (She meant my blog.) It was very funny.