Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Gone For Good

It seems to me that, in general, people do not get what abuse does to a child.

Not only that, they don't realise that the damage is permanent.


When a child is abused, his or her sense of innocence is gone for good.

When a child is abused, his or her sense of security is gone for good.

When a child is abused, his or her childhood is gone for good.

When a child is not loved their sense of wholeness is gone for good.

It is not something that can be altered, changed, or lessened.

No.

The effects can be lived with and lived with well.


The hole remains.


Added:And hopefully sometime in your life, you accept what happened, and recognize you were a child and not in control. It was not your fault, but the fault of the abuser(s).

Oh the years I've missed in not learning that. May my remaining ones be better for the learning.

I agree completely with the person who wrote this in the comments section.

My point is that no matter what the work done on oneself, no matter how one understands that abuse is never the victims fault, some things cannot be undone.

Put in another way: say someone chops off your leg.

You can come to terms with it.

You can learn to live very well with just one leg.

You can even get a prosthetic leg.

You can forgive the chopper.

You can fully understand that the chopping off of your leg was not your fault.

However, you are still minus a leg!

And you will never, ever, not ever, be the person you might have been with two legs.

7 comments:

Bets said...

How profound and stirring and well put.

Barbara said...

The secret for me to live a good life in spite of the abuse is to recognize the lies I learned when I start hearing them inside.

I have to examine all my actions and reactions to determine if I am responding to the current situation or if abuse history defense mechanisms/lies are driving my response.

Barbara said...

yes, of course, feel free to link to my blog.

Thanks so much.

GJR said...

And hopefully sometime in your life, you accept what happened, and recognize you were a child and not in control. It was not your fault, but the fault of the abuser(s).

Oh the years I've missed in not learning that. May my remaining ones be better for the learning.

Neon said...

Very wise comments about abuse.

And the hardest part for me might have been admitting that it wasn't my fault, because then I had to realize that I was helpless.

Anonymous said...

Accepting the fact that abuse in your childhood is not your fault is challenging enough by itself. How does one deal with dreams of the abusers that continue to resurface year after year? If I could find some resolution to this I will have succeeded in my life overcome the abuse.

Leslie clarkson said...

Letting go and not continuing to give the abusers control is the only way I have been able to live with it all. Not that I have suffered as you, but the effect is the same. I came to 50 years of age and decided that I would rather live a life with love and happiness than to continue to remember the ones who hurt me so deeply.

I only say this to encourage you to continue to live your wonderful life with your wonderful man and your fur babies, because in the end, they are the only ones who are important and who will keep you alive in their hearts

Love to you my sweet man. Live strong and look forward and not back

Leslie