Sunday, November 24, 2013


I thought today was Tuesday when I was in bed and I woke John to tell him he had missed his train. Then I realised it was Monday. Later I finally got up because the pain had got too much to just try and sleep it away. So I got up and crawled downstairs only to discover it was Sunday!

John says he knew I'd be bad today because I groomed 4 coated dogs but I did it all sitting on the floor and was well drugged.  Just like others, I get my urges and I just had the urge and capacity to do the 4 I did. I will try and do one a day though. I am no longeer leaving them ungroomed and bathing them and grooming them wet. That takes a long time for each dog. And hurts me far more. Plus I enjoy it more. I am on the flooor, my music playing and the dog laying there being very accommodating. Even Fanny. Mind you just like ALL girls she gets difficult when I have brush around their fannies(vulva for Americans) and The boys are just the same about their willies. They do not like them being groomed at all. For some reason MG has a thing about constantly licking Xander's willly and thus creates more knots and tangles that I moaned at for removing them! I have ny idea my MG does this but I am very used to seeing girls and boys lick girls fannies. Those I have that have been mothers tend to wash the faces of the younger ones as well. Luque just wants to spend his life on John's lap or at his feet. You should here the manipulative noises he makes so that John will allow him to get up on his armchair. 

Speaking of armchairs, the electric armchair I had made professionally to suit my disease issues is here. It makes such a difference. Right from the beginnning. It felt odd for some minutes butt then I adjusted to it. It really does help me. I don't fidget. I am supported well. And it has this terrific light that bends ov er my left shoulder which is wonderful for my knitting.

I hope to do some dyeing today. 

I ma still having difficulty getting the second body piece done of John's aran sweater. I juts don't seem to it right. Now, I have the correct number of stitches but I am going wrong somewhere in the pattern. So I am having John help by read the finished piece out to me. He is not a knitter but he can count blocks of pattern sts and this method seems to be working so far. I hate to think this is a part of my disease process but my Dr assures me that I am not becoming senile but this is the effect of the pain and the drugs. It will get better again as I have relapses and good periods.  It's just this relapse has lasted a long time because of the major changes in my life this last 18mths-marriage and having the house remodelled to suit my disease and our comfort and then being blown over my a bi-polar episode which I never dreamed would ever come back. I did it at first but it went way past being able to hide it. I the high was over in a few months and I stupidly kept it at bay with heavy use of tranqs. I had a terrible fear of my Dr knowing I was having a manic episode because I wrongly thought I'd be treated like I was in the past-locked up, forced injected drugs and no care. When I could no longere keep it hidden she assured me that nothing like that would ever happen to me again and that I could really trust her to never do anything I didn't want. No one who knew me, including my Dr, missed that I was depressed. Suicidely so. I wasa able to telll my Dr this but she already knew I was depressed because my whole countenance had changed. I learned from this why she doesn't call her patients with a buzzer. She comes to the waiting room and no matter where you are sitting she can see you and one has a good distance to walk to get to her. So she sees how I am. She was quick to learn that "i'm fine' wasn't always true!

As with John who notices the effects of medication upon me before I do. The two that stand out when I started to take gabapentin which clearly made me less of a bear to live with and the next one was baclofen which he said that from the first dose he could see the difference in how I held myself that I wasn't all hunched up and tense.

As evidenced by the fact that I groomed for dogs yesterday I still not much good at pacing myself. But yesterday I really felt I had the energy and the ability to do it so I did. And despite my experience it has surprised me that today has been such a painful one despite my medication.

However, overall life is very good. I am not feeling so accepting of my difficulties but that too will pass. I'm not so daft that I had don't know that moaning or sulking about it will make it go away!


midnightvelvet said...

Just letting you know that I am reading you and sending support via spirit as I can't do it physically.

Lots of love

Georgina said...

Merry Christmas Colin! I hope that the festive period is full of love and is peaceful for you and your beloved. I have a feeling that 2014 is going to be rather nice!