I am not having a good day because I fucked up last night. We went out to dinner for John's 66th birthday, which is tomorrow. I didn't take my knitting with me. I forgot. Well, I didn't know what to do with my hands whilst waiting for food. If I am knitting, I can converse easily. Not last night. I felt lost without my knitting. Normally, I do not find it a problem waiting for John to finish his pudding because I am knitting and talking or just knitting. Last night I joined him in having pudding. I awoke this morning with my joints on fire, my gut hurting. Now I remember why I don't eat that stuff! How many times do I need reminding? So today I feel sorry for myself yet I know it is my own damn fault. It will be three days before I feel okay again. So I ought to awake on Wednesday feeling different. i was going to say well but of course I won't be well. It is hard to explain what i mean and why today is worse than the usual pain and gut problems. It just is. I cannot give a good explanation except that just because I have this disease, which can can vary from crap to really bad, doesn't mean my allergy to wheat will not make it worse!
Normally if I have a ding ding with someone on the 'net it is nothing worse that me feeling angry for a while and forgetting all about it. Recently though something happened which has left me feeling hurt. I still find it hard to believe that this person wrote what they did. I was angry about the fact that a virulent anti-gay Roman Catholic priest was found to be gay himself. I wrote about it on Facebook and I also said that i found it difficult to understand how people can still be putting money in the collection plate at RC churches when they know that the money is being used to hound abuse survivors, to deny them, through the RC Church employing lawyers to silence the victims.
Unknown to me, a friend was RC and attends church. Okay, so I can understand her having a negative response to what I wrote. That is fair enough. However, what she wrote was 'now I hang my head for I feel sad that you hate me for loving God'. To say I was shocked and hurt is understatement. Nothing I wrote would even suggest such a thing. I also don't know how this person, a friendship with whom I have had for years, could not know I am not atheist, just not religious. My own spirituality is the most important thing in my life. Even as I write this, I still feel shocked by this sentence. I can't believe she wrote it. Yet she did. And has refused to discuss it since. No communication at all. It does show me though that people DO put ideology before people and their feelings. I guess my comment hit a nerve. I would never have chosen to hurt this lady, not ever, I am shocked she had no such qualms with regard to me. This is the problem with religion. It makes people behave in shocking ways because they put defending their ideas about God before any other consideration. This is how the religious can kill and maim and feel justified.
I hate no-one and I never have. I hate some ideas which I think are harmful. For this woman to suggest I hate her, especially for 'loving God' is just vile.
I have been knitting a lot recently and I feel much better for it. I have a very strong need to create. I feel good when I am creating. I have finished a cashmere sweater for myself, almost finished a wool sweater using the garter carriage on the Brother 940. I have almost finished the back piece of Johns Aran sweater, am half way thru a pair of socks, half way thru the back and front, knitted in the round, of my alpaca sweater.
3 comments:
Colin, the person who wrote that to you was being manipulative and trying to provoke you into feeling guilty, rather than honestly looking at what you were discussing. That was a low blow and a statement calculated to make HER the victim – a dishonest and shameful thing for her to do. The sad thing is, she probably didn’t realize she was doing it, poor dear. Your comments were not hateful, nor were they directed at any individual in particular. It would have been a ridiculous and silly statement had it not been so cruel and so symptomatic of what’s wrong IMHO with the religious “Wrong.”
Actually, I have to tell you that your comment about not putting money into the collection plates of a church that uses its wealth and power to silence its victims really hit home with me. It made me realize I had done the right thing back in 2003 by leaving. So thank you:)
I do agree with Joan about the person manipulating the situation to blame you instead of the real culprits.
If creating - knitting, dyeing, etc. helps you feel better - do it!
I've been comfortable with my religious beliefs and believe very strongly that I should not "preach" to others how to believe. I don't really think you write to tell others how to believe but you do inspire some to think. That is a good thing. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!
I, too, agree about the manipulative intent of those comments. I share your wonderment about how people can continue to support an organization that repeatedly harbors and duplicitously protects criminals like child molesters. You can tell me all you want about "sickness," but to protect these people from prosecution and to continue to allow them to present themselves in such sanctimonious ways is beyond me. I'm not saying people shouldn't be religious, or that only catholics are guilty of these practices. I'm saying that ANYONE who hides such behaviors in members of their clergy should be dealt with harshly. I don't understand how they can live with themselves.
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