UKHANDKNITTERS

I have a new pc so no longer have my addresses and I can’t let individuals who are members of UKHandknitters know the following by email.

A while ago the List Owner Pearl asked us if we wished the group to continue. From the response received,  we clearly did. An official Poll was held and the upshot of that was a clear mandate to leave the group as it was.

The list owner decided to ignore all this. People have been unsubscribed. ALL members are moderated. I know I was not only moderated but censored.

Now it turns out that Pearl is none other than Fred (Knitty Fred). Fred has chosen to deceive everyone and is on some sort of power trip. He has unsubbed a couple of hundred people from the list, including well known and respected UK knitting experts! He got rid of the other moderators. He is in sole charge. (This is how it stood a few days ago and it may have changed, who knows. It remains the case that he deceived all by using this alternate personality!)

Until this came to light I was writing to Fred asking what was going on and he would reply with no hint at all that he was Pearl.

I considered Fred a friend. We had taught together at the NEC. We wrote each other occasionally. I was shocked to discover his deceit. I have no idea why he has done this and I don’t care. It is NOT acceptable, not in any way.

This is the only way open to me to try and let everyone else involved in the group know  of his deceit and utter disrespect and regard for the membership of UKHanknitters.

There is now an alternative group for those who want and open and honestly run group.

UKhandknitting-subscribe@yahoogroups.co.uk

I FOUND ONE

I have been after this for a long time. We were having coffee in Jenner's in Edinburgh and I need to go to the loo. I was told it was on the 3rd floor. The department store is very hard to get around in a chair, even walking for matter, as it is old and weirdly set out. I decided to walk. As the lift door opened, I was in the lighting department and as I turned my head to look for the loo sign, I saw her! She was 60% off too and the only one they had! I have seen many other Tiffanys but not this one. I thought I had it ages ago but the company let me down.

The light she gives me is just right with a 60w longlife bulb.

Posted by Knitman

EDNA

Photographs by Marianne Cant. Good photographer but can't tell the difference between LOUNGE WEAR and Jammies....

TEST WHOOPSI!

I meant to delete the previous TEST post as soon as it loaded. I was testing a new program for blog publishing on my iMac. Just as I clicked 'upload' the door went and I had to go and answer it, letting in a visitor and I forgot all about it! Now I have comments on it so it won't be deleted now! ;-)

test

EDINBURGH TRIP

PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN (NOT)

I am almost finished on three pairs of socks now. I am especially pleased with the 1 x 1 rib I decided to use on the gusset. It really looks and feels good. Hopefully I shall be able to get a decent enough photograph to show you.

Nechung is weird because of her senility. I brought her home from her blood test yesterday and let her out of the car. Instead of going str8 to the front door, she toddled off down the road. I called to her and she seemed to be startled by that and moved faster away from me. She tried to go into a different house and then she really seemed to freak and went off again. I can’t run and I was getting really worried that she would end up in the road. A teen boy was approaching and I asked him to head her off, explaining she would not hurt him. Nechung walked str8 into him and then ran off and into the field behind us. She was then trying to get into our garden from there. She has never been in that field. How did she know it was our garden behind the 7ft fence? Anyway, I realised what she was going to do when she couldn’t find a way in and I headed her off. Suddenly, she stopped dead still and stayed there until I got to her and out her lead on. She having a ‘vacant’ episode which enabled me to catch her. Taught me that even though it is but 12 feet from car to front door, I ought never let ANY of the dogs do it without a lead.

I am feeling a little low. Not miserable, just lowish. The trip to Edinburgh has shown that my disease has progressed again. It doesn’t seem to progress gradually but in steps. By that I mean I am not steadily declining but in plateaus and dips. I also found that when I am feeling very cold, from the inside, feel trembly and am confused, it is my disease and exhaustion. We took all day, 8 hours, to drive up, with regular stops. I didn’t feel tired at any point but did feel unwell when we got to the hotel. Now the trip home was the same length and we took regular breaks. I was cold, trembly and unsteady on my feet when we got home. That is how I knew it was exhaustion.

Now I have always been able to drive long distances and with no ill effects.No it seems not. I rested the following day, prepared for the dog show on the day after and went to the dog show the after. I was still very tired at the show and in much pain so clearly two days home before the show was not enough. I am used to the day after the show being a day I can’t function and need to sleep and do nothing. This time, I needed two days to recover.

All this makes us realise that our trips have to be organized differently. We had been thinking of cruising but looking is not it, it really is not for us. Quite apart from the fact John hates the sea and doesn’t relish the idea of being at sea at all. Now because he is he and he loves me, he didn’t tell me this until I told him I didn’t think a cruise was going to work.

We still want to visit Barcelona. It is a long drive. We will either have to take 3 days driving there OR decide to spend an extra day there so that the first day I can just sleep and hang about the hotel. I am sure it will all work out somehow.

We drive because there is Big Daniel to take, a suitcase, and other bags, ,camera equipment, drugs etc and whatever we might buy. Imagine trying to do all that on a train or plane. No, driving is much more convenient.

I have discovered something very useful. Ms Jeeves has cruise control. Also my new Garmin Zuma 660 sounds an alarm when a speed camera is coming up and also when I go over the speed limit even if no cameras. On my way TO places, I am usually anxious to get there and I tend to drive too fast. Also, on the way to dog shows, I can  get engrossed in talking with Angie, (the lady I share the dog show trips with). Well, I now set the cruise control to whatever the limit is.

I have found that by doing this my drive is much less stressful, saves pain in my accelerator leg too. I also get to the show in just the SAME amount of time! I also of course save fuel.

Do keep your eye on Knitman’s Kitchen for coned yarns if you want any. I am planning on putting a load up this week. Don’t forget that I do combine postage so if you bought 2 for example, I would refund the postage difference. I can also sell my cones in large amounts because I know how to use a courier and it is cheaper that way. i.e I will have trouble sending a large box of yarn. I have not looked into this for sending outside UK.

CONTROL FREAKERY

I had belonged to a knitting list for several years until today. I left.

A couple of years back there was some real nastiness on the group and much of it aimed at me by some really nasty pieces or work. I rode it out, didn’t leave, and the list once again became pleasant to be a part of.

Now without any warning we have a new owner who describes herself as ‘list mom’ which is awful in itself, and who is now moderating everyone and censoring posts! I enquired as to what was going on and had a curt non explanation in response.

The list was asked recently if we wanted the group to continue and most of us did. A poll was set up and the majority wanted the list left as it is.

Now it is moderated and edited!

I have started an alternative for those interested. This is NOT intended to be a call to leave the other group!

My usual group rules apply: NO ABUSIVE mails will be tolerated. Other than that no one will be edited or moderated once they are known to be genuine posters, not a spammer.

UKHandknitting-subscribe@yahoogroups.co.uk

EDIT: I AM APPALLED TO DSICOVER THAT THE ‘NEW’ OWNER OF THE GROUP IS AN ALIAS BEING USED BY A ‘FRIEND’ WHO HAS DECIVED US ALL!!!!!

CHRIS ROCK

When I first saw him, I switched him off within the first few sentences out of his mouth. I couldn’t stand that voice.

Recently, I saw him briefly as part of a program about stand up comedy. I listened long enough to think I might get him.

I have just was him him for an hour and twenty minutes. I still find his voice very grating. I also find him to be intelligent and insightful. Hardly anything he said I disagreed with. I’d only take issue with him over the use of the word ‘faggot’. If a white person can’t say nigger then I don’t see why he doesn’t get that a straight person ought not use the word faggot (or queer, poof, shirtlifter etc) for exactly the same reasons.

He regrets leaving school with no qualifications. He is clearly and intelligent man and he has done well. He is grateful for that too, not unaware of how good life is for him.

I can see why people would find him offensive. He swears a lot. He is crude. He is also right on the button with his observations and insights into human behaviour, and there are people who just do not like a spotlight upon their machinations and self-deceit.

I am glad I got past his voice and heard what he had to say.

WELKS

Yesterday was not the easiest day for me pain wise. I was in pain at the show. Whitney was not on form either. Before i got to the show I felt it wouldn't be a good one, winning wise, and maybe Whitney knew that too? Whatever, she managed a 5th in Open bitch. Neither of us were bothered really. I did enjoy myself though it was sore and tiring.

The day started off at 2c and rose to 22c but the few hours of cold didn't help me so when ti did heat up, I was still having trouble.

Having moaned now I shall still say I had a good day. It was nice to be there and see people. I was thrilled that my Edna's dad is now CHAMPION Dimara Gorgeous George. He is a lovely Apso and Mandy is a dear friend. Watching the challenge, I felt really nervous as if her were mine and I could barely watch. I was so thrilled when he won I hurt myself clapping. I forgot I ought not to clap.

I didn't see enough of the delightful Sarah B. and I know she was off colour too yesterday. Maybe will see you at Birmingham on the 6th?

We were going to have niching put to rest today. However, she seems to have rallied around again so we didn't. She is being given my Tramadol twice a day. She is eating, pooing and peeing well and now jumps onto the couch again. She is clearly senile but I am not concerned she is pain now. We shall just have to see what happens from now.

EDINBURGH

We have just got in from our trip to Edinburgh. We were there from Saturday till today. Had an excellent time. I will post pictures over the next few days.

The house is freezing and of course devoid of dogs so it feels very odd. We will collect the dogs tomorrow morning.

Probably paranoid but since we were burgled when we went to Budapest, I just decided to not write anything here or on Facebook or Twitter.

BIG DANIEL LITTLE DANIEL

I feel so much better about the wheelchair situation.

Much to my surprise, John  said not to sell Big Daniel yet. He must have known what was going to transpire.

Even if Big Daniel had fitted into the new Ms Jeeves, I would NOT have been able to handle him on my own, not even with the ramps. That had not occurred to me. As it is, I was in serious trouble when I tried the first time and he didn’t fit, he toppled back and I could only keep my body still and yell for help. If he had fallen I hat to think what 80kg falling on my legs would have done. So taking Big Daniel anywhere on my own is a no no. He does fit in the car when the batteries are removed and he is then folded.

Little Daniel is very comfortable to sit in. The seat is very like a padded high backed office chair.Most importantly, he fits whole in Ms Jeeves. I find it easy to get him up and down the ramps. I have taken him to the supermarket and to the Spiritualist meeting in Littleport and I had no problems.

Ms Jeeves is a wonderful car. Easy to drive. Very comfortable. Economical to run. The bells and whistles are extraordinary. It controls my mobile phone through Bluetooth technology. My iPod plugs in via USB and audio cable. It has DAB Radio. The lights come on automatically according to how dark it is. The mirror automatically adjusts so no glare from lights behind at night. The Cruise Control is definitely a leg and fuel saver for me. It has an alarm. The steering wheel and the seats are fully adjustable in an out and up and down, like Octavia’s were.She looks very smart too.

I am very sore today. I feel really bruised to the touch. I assume because I have done a fair bit this last couple of days. Moving is like trying to walk in treacle and I am fatigued. However, crucially, I am well in my mind and feel content again.

I was somewhat taken aback by just how out of equilibrium I was when it looked as though I was going to be without the freedom I thought Ms Jeeves was going to bring me. I am lucky that it has all worked out and I have the new freedom I was after. It has shown me how important my attitude of gratitude is and how living each day the best I can and only dealing with today is. There will likely come a time when I can’t walk at all or generally find it very much harder to do what  now can do. It is not definite and I continue to  endeavour do what I can to keep mobile.

DANIEL II

Daniel II arrived at 8.15am. Yes, he fits in Ms Jeeves. He rolls up the ramp, loads of room once in.

He is much lighter than Daniel I. His seat is much more comfortable. The whole thing is about 30kg less in  weight than Daniel I.

I am still trying to figure out why I feel so upset. I do. Really. My gut is really bad this morning. Own fault. Ate a bread roll last evening. I feel frustrated and concerned that this new lighter Daniel is  not going to be suitable for all that I did in Daniel I.

I also think I am upset because this incident intruded on the way I deal with my disease. I tend not to think about it. I take each day as it comes. I don’t see myself as handicapped. (I prefer that word because it is more accurate. I am not unable to do thinks, I am just handicapped by my body-I have to have aids or take it slowly etc.That doesn't make me disabled.) Anyway, this incident rammed it home that I have problems. I couldn’t just think oh what the hell, it doesn’t matter. It DOES matter.

Other than the fact Ms Jeeves is a lovely car, I was also looking forward to the freedom I would have due to the back of the car  being flat when the door is up. It meant being able to use ramps to get Daniel in and out ON MY OWN. So discovering that he didn’t fit really upset me. Then there is spending yet more money because of my disease.

It really does cost me much more to get by than it would if I was fit. I have to wear underclothes to keep warm, stuff I wouldn’t normally have to wear. Tights, special pressure garments, and all have to be thin as can be. I need supports on my hands. I can cook and I love food but I have to buy stuff already washed and chopped because my hands don’t work as they should and knives in  my hands are dangerous!

I feel uncomfortable writing all this, moaning away. I can’t be chipper all the time. I do feel pissed off so I am writing that. After all it is ME, warts and all, and I ought not let pride stop me showing my negative feelings too. I know I have shared other painful stuff here. I tend not about my disease. I hate moaners who go on and on about their ailments. Blow it! It can be a real PITA to deal with and I do feel pissed off with it. So I am moaning about ailments!

I think I may feel happier with Daniel II once I have used him to get around sight seeing and stuff. I know he will not be a problem in a mall.

I have hanking still to do and then I shall be posting more yarns into my shop at Knitman’s Kitchen

JEEVES

OKAY so there was fairly major hiccup. When I got Jeeves home and set up the ramps for Daniel to go up, Daniel didn't fit, the ramps collapsed, and I was left trying to keep an 80 kg wheelchair from falling back on me, damaging Jeeves, and crashing to the pavement. I yelled for help and fortunately my neighbour heard me and came to help me at once.

I tried again, having lowered Daniel's back as far as it would go. There is no way Daniel will fit into the back without being taken apart, which would defeat the object of me being free to go out without help.

After being quite upset about this development and eating a pot of Haagen Dazs to help me think, I order another w/chair, to come express delivery tomorrow. This one is not only half the weight of Daniel but the top folds right down onto the seat so will go into Jeeves no trouble.

There is otherwise loads of room in this car for luggage, dog crates, and the w/chair. In fact I think I can get dog crates, trolley and w/chair in.

I have the iPod set up, the mobile phone set up so the Jeeves answers it at the press of the button. Jeeves also accepts voice commands. Oh and Jeeves is Ms Jeeves.
Needless to say I have hurt myself supporting the weight of Daniel.

I have no regrets with this car. Daniel doesn't fit by less than inch! Yes, that was a boob I could have done without.

I was not prepared to have a people carrier, no room for seats in the house when removed. Plus I don't like them. I needed a car with the back totally flat when rear door opened, unlike Octavia that had had a dip.

It has Cruise Control too which will save my right leg some pain. Good fuel (diesel) economy, very comfortable.

Our planned trip to Edinburgh is still on.

TOP DOG

At the Midland Lhasa Apso Show on Sunday just gone, Whitney was awarded the Hackensack Trophy for the Top Winning Lhasa Apso of 2009. 

Today, having done naff all yesterday, I have recovered well and this is what I have done.

FAITH IS NO EXCUSE FOR BIGOTRY

IN DREAMS AND BIGOTRY IN SPIRITUALISM

First of all with regard to dreams, it is said that we enter REM  (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep approximately 90 minutes after going to sleep. I start to dream the minute I close my eyes, wherever I am.

I dream vividly and have good recall. My dreams have been prophetic and have also been instrumental in showing me areas of myself that I need to look at. I had a dreadful dream in ‘07 that heralded the pain and anguish I went thru toward the end of that year which led to my epiphany and the freeing myself from my past.

I have dreamed of other people, of specific things happening to them and they happened.

Last night I dreamed of a famous man, married with two children, sons, who was in fact gay. The dream was all about freeing him from the lie he had woven for himself. I seemed to be his mentor but I didn’t want to be. As it turned out our conversation was overheard by a woman friend and so the cat was out of the bag and it looked as if he wasn’t going to have to tell his wife after all.

Weird dream and I was glad to awake from it. I am not suggesting this is a prophetic dream. I have no idea what it was about.

I recall dreams from many years back, right to childhood.

In the 80’s I woke one morning to see a mushroom cloud rising up. I saw this through my kitchen window. I vividly recall the fear I felt. Then I just knew that the bomb had gone off in Iran(maybe Iraq) and not London so my fear was lessened.

I dreamed, when I was sixteen, of a family friend carrying me in his arms and he placed me in a grave. I turned into a cat and ran away. This man had in reality, paid for me to see a private doctor. I had thought he did this because he could see how I was suffering and I thought finally someone was going to help me. Not so. This was because he figured out I was gay and the private shrink was all about straightening me out. What a betrayal. Not even the doctor saw I was deeply disturbed and an abuse victim.

One dream I had, changed my life. I had tried to end my life and I put myself into a coma. When I awoke I had a drip in and mask over my face. I proceed to pull it all off, especially the drip. For some reason I recall how that hurt going in several days earlier.

Anyway, during that period of unconsciousness, I dreamed I was walking in darkness toward a group of people who seemed to be standing a in a misty glowing light. As I got closer, I could see one of the people was my Aunt Jesse (who had died in 77 I think). She held her arms out to me and I was hugged by her. She told me I had to go back, that I could not stay.

I knew then  I could not escape this pain, that life did not end with physical death. Far from it bringing me peace it filled me with fear and rage. It turned out though to be the beginning my journey to recovery. It also brought about the understanding that I had a gift, all my life, called mediumship. It took a long time before I accepted this as a good thing. To me it was just another thing to feel shame about.

All through my growing up, I had ‘weird experiences’ and with no one to share them with, I hid them away and was ashamed. I often though was unaware of it working. When I said things that were true, and it discomfited the adults around me, I just assumed I had been told by someone and had forgotten. I never thought about spirit people then as I didn't know about it. I had friends that I ‘ made up’ but hey were real enough to me. I often  talked to myself, I am told. I ma not one of those who can say I saw and spoke with spirit all through my growing years. I was ignorant of such things.

Today it is a different story of course. I know who and what I am. I use my gifts. I give talks and demonstrations. Not many as Spiritualists are as bigoted as anyone else and many find me unacceptable so do not book me. Why do I know that? Well one booking secretary told me outright I was not approved of and I also know it isn’t because I don’t give good evidence. I do. I also tend to speak of power of though and belief and personal responsibility, the corner stone of Spiritualist philosophy, but it isn’t approved of by some. Nor is my telling my story of how I was raised from the gutter to the life I have now. Strange how they object to that.

OUT OF THE SLUDGE

Okay I admit it, people still manage to shock me even though I know all too well how wicked they can be.

I had a spiteful email from someone who was offended by reading my blog. Was she offended by the evil of abuse? By the KKK? Was she offended by the stories of people damaging others? Of course not! She was offended by the joke.

THAT in itself tells one all one needs to know about her.

However, the next bit of her email really had me reaching for the razor blades and notepad to write a suitable suicide note:

SHE WILL NOT BUY MY YARN!!!

How will I live with this? My future seems so dark, I can see no light. Help me!Please!

COR BLIMEY!!!!

If you don’t know, the Westboro Baptist Church and it’s Rev Phelps are the most putrid homophobes who attend funerals of gay people with GOD HATES FAGS banners!

How ironic is it that the KKK repudiate them………

ONCE UPON A TIME….

….. a very long time ago in a far distant land, a man was walking along when he came upon a crowd of people who each held stones in their hands. In the middle of the crowd was a man that the crowd was yelling abuse at and threatening to stone him to death.
The man pushed his way thru the crowd and he held out his arms to stop and quieten the crowd.
‘Whoever amongst you is without sin, you may cast the first stone.’
As he was speaking, a stone came flying thru the air and with one hit, killed the man stone dead. A woman had come forward and thrown her stone.
Jesus turned to her and said: ‘Oh Mother! Sometimes you really piss me off!’

CONFRONTATION

I hate confrontation and I avoid it if I can. Sometimes it is detrimental to me to avoid it.

It is especially difficult for me to confront someone who I think has lied to me.

I have been feeling anxious about the car purchase for some time now. I felt the sales man had lied to me. Whilst swimming this morning, I determined I had to confront him about it. If I didn’t, and I went to pick up the new car and it isn’t what I think I am getting, I likely to chuck a wobbly.

I took a deep breath and I called him. I asked him not to respond until I had side what I wanted to say. I did so calmly and without direct accusation. He took it well. We discussed it and I feel okay about it all now. I am getting the exact model I test drove, except that the test car had things in it which Ford now charge as an option instead of standard. It’s only a minor detail but it left me feeling like I had been mislead, especially since I had already signed the agreement before I learned the specifications had been changed.

I am glad I confronted this. I no longer feel I have been treated as a fool and been taken for a ride.

Now I just have to wait for Ford to get off their behind and deliver it to me!, already a week late, and no sign of it coming this week.

I am still enamoured by the iMac. I have got my iTunes library off my external onto it, as well as loads of photographs. I haven’t found  it to be the huge learning curve I was told. I find it easy to use  and just  like with the PC, I have found my way around it. That is how I learn, I try it out. Instructions, written, are gobbledegook to me. The one thing I thought would be a problem is the closing of windows in the top left not the top right as in PC. Not so. I switch between the two easily, like I do when driving here or on the mainland, which is left hand drive.

I am going to try connecting my Brother printer today.

I had a pretty crap day yesterday. The pain that prevented me sleeping was with me most of the day. I took more pain killers than usual and I felt foggy most of the day too. I hated it. I really prefer my mind to be clear, not foggy.

The weather is dull, wet, and chilly though not cold. Heating is off indoors.

 

THE FUTURE IS iMAC!!!!!!

This hasn’t happened for a while. I got up after only 3.5 hrs disturbed sleep. I just can’t get comfortable with the pain in my hips and legs. Taken pills and waiting for them to work. It’s not even as if the pain is really bad, just annoying and enough to make me restless.

Anyway, although right now I am using the laptop, yesterday I bought an iMac desktop. I took a memory stick with photographs of my yarn on it to see what they looked like on the iMac. I was so surprised to see my un-edited pics look just like they are in life! I am in the process of redoing all my yarn shop pictures as a result.

The machine is fast. It’s beautiful to look at. It WORKS! When I put the memory stick in my pc to get the yarn pics, it froze on me! I had to restart. That just indicated to me that I was about to make the right decision.

I had taken a while to come to the decision and Sunday night I went to bed with the decision on my mind, knowing by the time I awoke, I would know what I wanted to do. I got the iMac and already know it was right and that PC’s are jalopies by comparison.

It loaded up two programs, large ones, in the time it takes my PC’s to start up! It also came with almost all I need on it-which on my pc I had to pay for. In the end, this is not an expensive choice.

One thing I did do, which I would not have had it not been recommended by the Mac Users Group, is buy the Apple Care thing for 3 years. It is not like the crap extended warranties one can buy from PC World or Curry’s for example.

I guess I shall most of today taking new photographs of my yarns and hanking the six new dyes I did over the weekend. I would think I shall not do much dyeing or knitting this week as I will have the iMac to learn. I also still have stuff to get off my PC and onto the external and then onto the iMac.

People can be so nice. Every time I go out, to a mall, at least two or three people stop to compliment my hat or footwear or just my general attire. I  like it. It isn’t just the fact I am sitting in Daniel because I have experienced the same when walking with the sticks.

Yesterday in House of Frazer I saw some beautiful coffee crockery. I didn’t buy any because they were high in quality and price and I just can’t trust my hands enough for that. I buy nice crockery when  I see it if the price is under £15 because my grip is poor. I would be really upset if I paid £40 and then dropped it!

I forgot to say that I had booked a personal shopping hour at the Apple store. This meant I had a young man, Sam, to myself for an hour to show me the machine and answer my questions. It was very good and he was very polite and friendly. (He like so many others, was wear very low slung jeans. If only they could see how they look from behind and how it affects their gait. I am sure it is building future mobility problems!) Sam took the iMac to our car for us.

I am going to meditate now and see if I can get some rest. John  will be up in an hour and then I have to take him to the station as he is back to work in London till Friday evening. I have spent more time at the flat in London recently but won’t be there this week.

PS: my PC’s have always been high end so the problems are PC not cheap PC’s. One of the things that really got too much was the constant changing of OS and having to pay for it. I was happy with XP! Still, I won’t be worrying about that any more.

 

QUANDARY

My desktop PC has a problem, I don't know what, I am taking it to the shop Tuesday. It works fine but it has become very noisy and something sounds like it's whirring/clicking all the time, a bit like when a bike wheel turns and soemthing is hitting the spokes. It has been doing this a logn time I have to say. I figured the loud whirring is the fan. It's making this funny engine sound now. It is intermittent. Not the whole time the pc is on.

Anyway the desktop is used mostly for photography and printing. I am thinking of replacing with an Imac. I would appreciate any feedback. Here the differece in cost is not a lot. The new All In One PC's cost about the same as the Imac.

Frustratingly my laptop Pc, Acer Aspire is buggered. The wi fi won't work properly. I can, weirdly, use Skype and Norton was able to download updates. However, if I try to connect to my email or browser it can't. The diagnostic says windows cannot communicate witht eh device or DNS server. No idea what that emans. It says the device is working properly. It clearly isn't.

YOU CAN ONLY GIVE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

I wrote this in answer to an email and thought I’d use it as my post for today:

Whilst I would never condone abuse, I understand how abuse victims grow up to abuse others. I abused myself that was the only difference. Had I been heterosexual and had children, I hate to think what I would have done. I doubt very much they would have escaped the rage inside me.

Abuse damages people, and often beyond repair.. I do have compassion and understanding for abusers. I think this is why I do not hate.

It is also important to know that abuse does not happen in a vacuum. People allow it to happen by turning a blind eye, not wanting to be involved, scared of making a fuss, of being wrong. So neighbours, friends, teachers, doctors etc all ignore the signs. As they did with me.

I understand completely your anger. However, if we are sincere about doing what we can to stop abuse we have to move beyond it and cultivate compassion for the abuser, not just the abusee.

 
By acting in anger and having a 'lock em up' or 'hang em' attitude, we perpetuate the problem and cause further suffering to those abused.

People who abuse are suffering. Often they are not aware of what they are doing, or rather the effects,. Often, they are acting out what happened to them (as the two 10 yr old boys who killed poor Jamie Bulger were.) It is also often the case that they are no longer able to feel empathy because of the damage done to them.

I was lucky, very lucky. I had the occasional neighbour, teacher, who showed me love and attention in a good way. This I am sure is what prevented me from losing the ability to empathise and stopped me acting out against others.

I know for sure that had I had children, there is no way they would not have been damaged by me. How can be so certain of that? Because I was so damaged myself I would have had nothing healthy to show them. Even if I never physically harmed them, I would have psychologically and spiritually because I had NOTHING better to pass on. I only had all the anguish, shame and fear in me. I had nothing else. You cannot give what you don't have.

YOU CAN ONLY GIVE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

I wrote this in answer to an email and thought I’d use it as my post for today:

Whilst I would never condone abuse, I understand how abuse victims grow up to abuse others. I abused myself that was the only difference. Had I been heterosexual and had children, I hate to think what I would have done. I doubt very much they would have escaped the rage inside me.
Abuse damages people, and often beyond repair.. I do have compassion and understanding for abusers. I think this is why I do not hate.
It is also important to know that abuse does not happen in a vacuum. People allow it to happen by turning a blind eye, not wanting to be involved, scared of making a fuss, of being wrong. So neighbours, friends, teachers, doctors etc all ignore the signs. As they did with me.
I understand completely your anger. However, if we are sincere about doping what we can to stop abuse we have to move beyond it and cultivate compassion for the abuser, not just the abusee.
By acting in anger and having a 'lock em up' or 'hang em' attitude, we perpetuate the problem and cause further suffering to those abused.
People who abuse are suffering. Often they are not aware of what they are doing, or rather the effects,. Often, they are acting out what happened to them (as the two 10 yr old boys who killed poor Jamie Bulger were.) It is also often the case that they are no longer able to feel empathy because of the damage done to them.
I was lucky, very lucky. I had the occasional neighbour, teacher, who showed me love and attention in a good way. This I am sure is what prevented me from losing the ability to empathise and stopped me acting out against others.
I know for sure that had I had children, there is no way they would not have been damaged by me. How can be so certain of that? Because I was so damaged myself I would have had nothing healthy to show them. Even if I never physically harmed them, I would have psychologically and spiritually because I had NOTHING better to pass on. I only had all the anguish, shame and fear in me. I had nothing else. You cannot give what you don't have.

AVOIDABLE GRIEF

Britain has a bad reputation for the way it mistreats it’s children.

In the early hours of yesterday morning, a coach with five teachers and 40 pupils came off the road. Many were injured and a 17 yr old girl was killed.

This happened during a BLIZZARD. The weather had been forecast for almost a week before hand. The blizzard was well under way before this coach even left.

It beggars belief doesn’t it that this coach was even on the road?

What were the parents of these children thinking?

What were the teachers thinking?

What was the coach driver thinking?

What was the head of the school thinking?

What was the coach company thinking?

What none of them were thinking was that the children come FIRST!!!!

If any of them had thought about the children, their welfare and safety, first, this awful, awful tragedy would not have happened.

Few seem to understand the concept of personal responsibility. Few seem to understand what it means to put children first and foremost always.

Most accidents are nothing of the sort. This wasn’t. It had a cause-neglect of duty.

In this country, about 3 children a week are killed by their parents/carers through abuse. In every case it has been allowed to happen by other adults because they neglect their duty. They put the needs of adults first.

Our world would be much closer to the world we long for if we only would love and respect our children. Love is an action, not a feeling. If we truly love, then we ACT like we do! We don’t love what we fear(we can’t- fear cancels love out-hence you cannot love and fear God.) and we don’t love what we abuse.

All of those involved in this will suffer greatly. Will they understand why? Will they learn?

Pain of itself does not teach. Only if we accept personal responsibility for our pain. If we blame others, we don’t learn. Often others do cause us pain, but it is still OUR pain and our responsibility to deal with it.

If a person comes along and kicks you hard enough to break your leg, you can lay their screaming in pain and rightly blaming your attacker. However, if you expect your attacker to fix it, you will remain in pain and become crippled. YOU have to fix it and in the process you will learn.

Those who read this blog, will know that I was caused a great deal of anguish and pain by others. You will also know that I, ME, fixed it. I didn’t expect my abusers to, although the inner hope that one day they would apologise and love me could be interpreted as such an expectation. However, it was always I who searched for healing and I knew I had to heal myself.

Yes, those people who hurt me were to blame. There is nothing wrong in blaming. In fact it is a necessary part of healing to put the blame where it belongs. Unlike what is often taught in 12 step groups. It is very damaging and is just another way of avoiding truth to insist that blaming is wrong or unhealthy. Healing will never truly happen, for either party, if blame isn’t apportioned. Not blaming keeps the victim in their place and keeps the abuser off the hook.