Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Major Change

 I think there are going to be a few changes around here and that I will be getting back to the original purpose of this blog the sharing of my knitting and dyeing adventures but also sharing the journey of recovering from childhood abuse and I have come to realise that many of my readers were victims of other forms of abuse and may still found solace here.

I have had to stop showing my dogs. This has been what has kept me from being able to knit and dye like I used to which I missed terribly.

The decision to quit showing dogs has been a very painful and difficult decision to come to but an absolutely necessary one. Before my last doctor left which if you didn't read it on Facebook left me feeling bereft and emotionally a mess.  I was not expecting it and I later learned that the whole practice had been told that they were not to tell me and that she would tell me herself at our very last appointment because she knew how I would react. At first I pretended she hadn't said it and I carried on talking about how I was. She had arranged a future meeting between me and her and my new Dr and my husband because he is also going to be her patient. By that time I had worked through enough to see the situation in an adult way and that I was not being abandoned and that my doctor was a human being who had advised to live and decisions to make for which he did not need my permission. I also found out because I asked if she had received the letter I wrote her telling her how much of a different she had made to my life that she too found it very difficult to leave me.

So give me a little bit of time and this blog will return more to its original purpose but bear in mind I have changed as a person, I have grown, and I fully intend sharing that which I find will be helpful to others and not just myself. There will be staff I will not share because despite my openness I do not share everything  because I have other people to think about. 

I really do apologise to those survivors who came regularly to my blog only to be disappointed that yet again I had not written anything. I would not change what I did because I have grown a great deal in the last few years and I have learned much more which I can share.

And for the fibre- artist people  among you you will definitely be seeing more of that. 

 I believe I have made the right decision now to stop showing my dogs. I fulfilled the dream that that 12 year old boy had  in that I owned a top winning dog and I also bred a top winning dog and the dogs I have around me at home are all top-quality dogs.

I am not making any promises because I don't know where I am headed healthwise nor life wise. 


midnightvelvet said...

Hi Colin, well that is good news in a way because it means that for now, you don't need to use the blog to get through each day - and long may that continue x I also understand how you felt about your Doctor leaving because I am about to part with mine, only my own doing! I hope to exchange my house for a bungalow in Staffordshire and if it goes through, that should happen in about 2 months or so. Just another rental, but in a little village near the River Trent.
I was surprised about you giving up showing...I shall miss all your dapper outfits...I enjoyed those more than the dogs LOL. But obviously you have had to do what is best for your health - maybe you will decide to enter the odd one from time to time. The last of my litter went to his new home last weekend and I do miss him, but his new owners are keeping me up to speed with his progress.

Keep on doing what you're doing Colin, you WILL ARE winning!!
Suzanne xxx

Anita said...

i have missed your thoughtful and insightful posts about the nature of the human spirit - valuable to all, not just abuse survivors (though of course so very helpful to them).

joannamauselina said...

I absolutely understand the trauma of losing your primary physician. When mine left her practice years ago, I was devastated, and I don't even have any real health issues. It was a bit like getting a divorce. It took me several years to get a new one. In fact, I kept putting it off for so long (years), that finally they just assigned one, and he was very nice, but not quite what I want in a physician. I just didn't feel like I could tell him anything other than, "Yes, I'm feeling fine." Finally, after much nagging from my family, I selected one I had know when she was a young intern, and now I am quite happy with her. I remained bitter at the first one for leaving for quite a while.

As to the dog showing, I imagine that was a tough decision to make. I felt similarly about nursing. I loved it and couldn't imagine my life without being a professional nurse, but again, after nagging from my family, I decided that the time had come to let go of that. I have no regrets. When I hear my former colleagues talking about their troubles at work, I am happy now to be out of it.

These two changes may well turn out to be pluses in the long run. Or not, but there is always that chance, and I hope that they do for you.