Wednesday, March 08, 2006

No Secrets

Some people say you are only as 'sick as your secrets' and perhaps that is true.

However, one needs to be wise in telling your secrets. It is also not neccesary to a) tell everyone and b) to tell all to the same person!

There is only one person who knows ALL of my secrets and that was the therapist who saved my life.

My partner knows some of them. He will never know the details of the abuse. I would not ever burden him with that. He doesn't need to know and to know would hurt him in a way that will not be repairable. It is enough that he knows the generalities.

As for telling anyone else, no. I used to be open about it years ago. When I wasn't well still and knew nothing of boundaries. I didn't know then that people use such information to hurt you.
Even now, people I had considered good people and close to me have used what they know about me against me. Some never see you as a whole person. A person who has vaild feelings and opinions. If they disagree with me, they always use my past as justification for dismissing my feelings or my opinion, because my past makes it not possible for me to 'think clearly'! Funny how similar that is to the techniques abusers use and cults use.

And people wonder why one has to build strong defences in order to survive! It is absolutely necessary. I only let in those I want to let in and I am lucky in that I have good people in my life who love me, respect me, and see me as whole, not some damaged freak.

Funny, in the past I would have been whatever you wanted me to be in order for me to be liked or feel safe. You didn't have to do anything. Now it is YOU who has to prove yourself. i don't trust easily and I have no time at all for games or being polite. I don't waste my time on ignorant or stupid or self centred people. Life is too short to waste it. I will not hurt others or be rude but I won't put up with crap either! Gone are the days I would lsiten politely and attentively to idiots or those who just moaned and moaned byut never did anything to change their lot. Let them leach of somone else or better still, fix themselves!

I have all the time in the world for those people who are not afraid to look inwards and have the courage to change. The rest can f**k off and leave me alone.
Post a Comment