It is quite a frequent occurrence for fundamentalist Christians who either read my blog, read my e-mails on a number of knitting this that I belong to, or read me on Facebook, get indignant with me and go off in an offended hump.
I communicate with anybody. As long as they remain civil with me and respectful I will continue to do so.
However, let me tell you something: I am deeply, deeply hurt and offended by these people. Their arrogance and their self-centredness appals me. They simply have no idea how hurtful and offensive they are and I should think they do not care because they firmly believe they have right on their side.
I have to say that as these people would prefer that I do not exist, I don’t quite understand why they want anything to do with me. I imagine the way I feel, the amount of trust I have these people, would not be this similar to the way a true would feel toward their ‘friends’ who held to the Nazi ideology.
My knowledge and experience of Christianity, especially the fundamentalist kind, tells me in no uncertain terms that the followers of such ideology want me and others like me to not exist. In my case on two counts: I do not believe in their ideology and I am homosexual. In their eyes are both these things guarantee that I am an evil person destined for Hell.
I know that some of these people would protest that they love me and do not want to see me dead but they are lying even if they are also lying to themselves. They do not love me because they hate homosexuals. They will say that they do not, that what they hate is homosexual behaviour. In their ignorance they believe that one’s sexuality is purely about sex. It is not. If I were not homosexual, I would not be Colin. The Colin that you and I know would not exist. In just the same way, my heterosexual fellows cannot help but behave heterosexually! Likewise, if they were not heterosexual they would not be who they are and therefore they would not exist because they would be somebody else.
So if you hate my sexuality, then you hate me, and you prefer that I do not exist. How on earth can you expect me to be okay with that?
Imagine, though I doubt that you can, being brought up in a society that condemns you for your feelings of love and attraction. Imagine growing up being told that you are sick and evil just for being who you are. I think perhaps the closest any heterosexual people can get to this feeling is those who have fallen in love with unacceptable people. By this I mean imagine a Jew falling in love with a Muslim. A white person from a racist family falling in love with a black person, or a black person from a racist family falling in love with a nonblack person. The people who are involved in this way KNOW that their feelings are not wrong but that does not mean that they will not suffer the pain of rejection and condemnation of those around them who disapprove.
It is very difficult to live in a world that you are not welcome in. I know that I have a small number of true friends who truly accept me as I am. However there are 6 billion people on this planet and the majority of them don’t want me and others like me to exist.
I wonder if anyone understands how it feels to be taught about the extermination of the Jews in the Holocaust and not also be taught that homosexuals suffered the same fate. When one digs deeper one discovers that not only was this the case but homosexual survivors were not compensated as other survivors were because we deserved it.
Really, the offence taken by some because of my attitude towards their ideology is nothing in comparison to the offence pain and suffering they cause on a daily basis to millions of people. I really could not care less. It is their ego that causes them to feel aggrieved. It is their choice to believe in evil. It is their choice to be self-righteous. It is their choice to spread hate.
When I hear the Religious Right (interestingly here fundamentalists tend toward the left politically) speaking their hatred in the name of love I am reminded of the words of the man they profess to follow;
FORGIVE THEM FATHER, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO.
In the world today, with the rise of religious fundamentalism, I feel increasingly fearful and wonder if I will reach old age. I fear another Holocaust.