Shameless

Tantra's Shameless at 9 weeks and 2 days. My pick of litter. She stays.

Norwegian Mach 2

Knitted to my own design on the Brother 940 Yarn is 2 x 2/15's(approx 380 mtrs to 100 gram) 50% Merino, 25% Cashmere and 25% Silk.
The hem is narrower than body. I increased evenly by 18 sts on both front and back. I used 200 needles and got a width of 66cm(26"). The length is 75cm(29.5").
Showing sleeve detail. The hem of the body is the same.
This is the neckband detail. Single bed knitted and joined on machine.

Mary Beth's Underwear

The temperature has dropped to freezing and I finally get a chance to wear Mary Beth's underwear.

They are excellent, Mary Beth. They really kept my legs warm-they didn't seize up on me(my legs). They didn't make me itch and they didn't make me sweat either. Not only that they are easy to take on and off and do not squash the bits I don't want squashed.

Thank you very much.

Demonstrations

Over the last few years we have had all sorts of demonstrations, violent and not. They have mainly concerned cartoons depicting a 'prophet', Jerry Springer The Opera, the new UK law making it illegal to discriminate against gay people.

We have had no demonstrations about 7/7 or 9/11. None about the abuse of children by priests, none about the genocide taking place in various countries.

It seems to me that those who have demonstrated are self centred. They only get upset if their precious ideas are not held up by all. It seems they only feel the need to demonstrate when it is personal to them.

I respect any one's right to believe as they wish. Don't ask me to respect the belief though.

Jade Goody - Big Brother

It has been hard to miss this news about Ms Goody and her supposed racism. Racism is to be abhorred but so it any form of bigotry. It seems that snobbery and classism are not only allowed but revelled in.

I have found the coverage appalling.

The covergae has smacked, very clearly, of bigotry. Towards Ms Goody and white working class people in general.

The very people who are condemning rascism(rightly) are showing the very same intolerance, bigotry and mean spiritedness that they are decrying. Shameful hypocrisy.

On BBC NEWS 24- DATELINE today, one panel member referred to the white working clases as 'stupid and ignorant' and Ms Goody as ugly. The piece was introduced by describing Ms Goody as 'spectacularly dim witted'.
Most of the comments I have read about Ms Goody have been about her 'common' background, her lack of education, her stupidity, her working class roots. It has been an appalling display of bigotry. It has all been condoned too. Even those so called intellectuals on Dateline didn't see their own bigotry.

I think that the whole attack on Ms Goody has been informed by jealousy and bigotry. Jealousy and anger because how dare a 'common little trollope' become rich and famous?!!
Bigotry due to her 'class' and manner of speaking.

And it seems that Mr Jackson is allowed to refer to Ms Goody and her family as 'white trash' and to refer to her being 'common' without any form of reproach from anyone.

From the moment Ms Shetty walked into that house, she looked down her nose at Ms Goody and made her feel worthless. It is not surprising that Ms Goody reacted the way she did. She was made to feel not good enough. When people feel shamed in this way they are likely to react and react in a way that is not helpful and makes them look bad.

I feel desperately sad for her. She has been fed to the mob. It disgusts me.

Last years Big Brother displayed much bullying and bad behaviour. However it was homophobic bullying so no such commotion was caused. In fact, it got ignored.....

Biting Bums

I was in the supermarket. I was using my wheelchair. I was in front of a stack of shelves, looking at the goods.

Along came a woman who apparently wanted something off the shelf in front of me. Without a word, she placed one leg between mine, and leaned over right in front of me. So close I could have bitten her bum. No recognition at all of what she was doing. Not only that, she took her time, kept taking stuff down, placing in her trolley and then turning once again in front of me to get more.

This woman, it appears, either was so disturbed by disability that she blanked it from her mind and therefore did not see me. Or she was a Narcissist who only thought of herself.

Whatever her problem was, I said nothing! I knew if I did, I would have been very very rude and probably shown myself up. I could have bitten her bum I was so annoyed. Maybe I ought to have! ;-)

BIG EDEN

I have often thought it would be wonderful to see a film such as this. I had no idea one had already been made back in 2000.

If only real life could be as in this film.

If it weren't for the way people think.......

For two hours, I could pretend I wasn't on the outside looking in....

I shall go to bed and dream.

Intarsia

I am knitting an intarsia sweater using 2 strands of Drops(Garn Studio)Alpaca. Beautfiful yarn. Lovely handle that makes it a pleasure to hand knit with. The gauge I get using 4mm needles is 24st and 32 rows to 10cm. The company recommend 23sts and 30 rows using one strand and 2.5mm to 3.5mm needles! That is far too loose, imo.

Anyway, I originally wound up a whole load of bobbins to hold the individual strands on for the work. No good. Too heavy and too easily got into a difficult mess with the bobbins getting caught in the yarn. Took too long to untangle.

I recalled reading that Kaffe Fasset did not use bobbins but just long strands of yarn. I thought this would get very tangled up. It does but it is not a problem! I have found this by far the easiest way to knit intarsia, the yarn is easily knitted and I have not had to stop once to untangle.

You can see from the pictures what the back and front look like.

Gay Sheep Reply

I recieved this from Jim Newman. I think it is worth making a new post from rather than leaving it hidden in the comments section.
Whislt I thought the artticle was funny, Jim's reply shows it had a more sinister intent than I realised.

I thank Jim for writing. Lies are not helpful and I am glad he has pointed them out.

"Jim Newman here from the university that is actually conducting the
research. In regards to the Sunday Times article which is the source of
all these wild conspiracy theories, it was filled with errors and false
statements. In some cases the paper even reported the exact opposite of
what actually occurred. In reality – the research was conducted five
years ago. When announced in 2002, several gay and lesbian groups
appreciated the findings as the data supports the belief that
homosexuality has biological roots and is not merely a matter of
choice. Also – we are not “curing” gay sheep. I am pleased that a
writer has thoroughly investigated the article. As he reports, the
Sunday Times article basically a piece of science fiction made up by
PETA, yes the animal rights people. His analysis also raises important
questions about the timing of the article which again comes almost five
years after the research was actually conducted. Here’s a link to that
analysis that anyone who is interested in this topic should read: A
wolf in gay sheep's clothing: Corruption at the London Times
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/1/4/134158/4348 Also the press is
beginning to print stories on how this science research was hijacked by
PETA, the left and the right for political gain. Here’s one story: If
only British press would say, 'My baa-d' "
http://www.portlandtribune.com/news/story.php?story_id=116829766709316800

DESIGN YOUR OWN SWEATER

The instructions will be HERE

DESIGN YOUR OWN SWEATER

I am going to be giving instructions here for designing your own sweater.

We will learn how to design a drop shoulder sweater, a set in sleeve sweater or a raglan sweater. Possibly a saddle shoulder too.

It is very simple to do. It will mean that you can use any yarn and any pattern that you like.

We will be working in centimetres only, inches are not accurate enough and besides it is time you that don't know how to use them learnt to! It is very easy. One inch equals 2.54 cms. You do not need to be a genius to work with the metric system.

You will need:

1. A pen and some paper.
2. A ruler
   
3. A calculator
4. Knitting machine or knitting needles
5. Yarn
6. YOU WILL NEED TO KNIT SWATCHES. IT IS A MUST.
   

I will not be giving instructions on how to knit. I will assume you already know how to machine knit or hand knit. I also will not be giving instructions on how to sew up your garment.

If you learn these basics, you will really free yourself up. You will no longer have to hunt down a pattern for that yarn you found. You can make your own. You will be able to create your own yarns by using two or more yarns together. You will be free to create what is in you and will not have to rely on others to do this for you.

You will get much more satisfaction. Which is what kntting is about after all!

And, no, you are not too thick to do this. If you are prepared to learn the simple basics of working out you shape, you can do whatever you want.

The End Is Nigh

The very idea is making some people very happy. From the scientists who swear we are ruining the weather, the religiously stupid who are thrilled that God is about to destroy all the people they don't like.

Thru most of the 70's I was heavily involved with the Jehovah's Witness cult. They were practically wet with glee then because they were convinced that The End Was Nigh then. Back in those days I was not who I am now. I was afraid and confused and believed I was bad, bad, bad. So much so I shaved my head because I was convinced I would find 666 burned into my skull. My brother, who was really into the cult, delighted in telling me that I was possessed by the Devil himself. (Strangely prior to this, the Roman Catholic nuns told me the same thing. They didn't like me asking why all the time. More about them later.)

My brother's constant bombarding me with doom and damnation led to me flipping out. I hallucinated (thanks to Haloperidol) and was convinced I was being attacked by demons. So in sheer terror, I rushed off to the Kingdom Hall where I burst thru the doors and begged for deliverance.

You should have seen their faces, particularly my brother's. It was a treat. Even in my state of high anxiety, it was like there was another sane part of me that was watching the proceedings. Hypocrites! this sane me thought. Instead of delivering me from the demons they had convinced me I was possessed by, they called for medical help! I know my brother never forgave me for the embarrassment he felt. It has not occurred to him, ever, to feel shame for what he did to me.

Now my brothers, I have an older one too, live by the same motto as my parents;deny everything. They could have have been in the FBI with that attitude. I was left to rot in the Laughing Academy for a year in the 70's because of their motto.

Should you think I am off the wall, you should know that one of my brothers, the ex JW, is now 'channelling' and works in Family Reconciliation charging people loads of money to hear the crap that comes out of his mouth in a silly accent. He preaches love and healing and reconciliation, and at the same time spews hate at his brother because he knows I know the truth.

Oh and back in the days I was being told by him about being possessed by the Demon Of Homosexuality, the Demon of Smoking, the Demon of Disbelief(they have a Demon for everything-but of course they are not affected by demons because they are chosen. Personally I think they are possessed by the Demon of Total Arseholes but I digress...) so anyway, here he was condemning me and guess what? You'll never guess..he was a big Nelly! Yes that's right folks, he is a HOMOSEXUAL.

Now you think that is weird? Take my older brother. He left home cos my of parents behaviour, specifically my Dad's. That left me as the main target of Dad's fists. Now he left home and travelled 14000 miles away. Talk about needing space. So a few years later when I was dragged here by them, I was looking forward to meeting up with this brother of mine. I needed an ally and someone to confide in about what had been going on. What a twit I was. Big brother had slipped into denial mode. He was nasty to say the least. Spent most of his time sucking up to Mum and Dad to let them know how good he was and deserving of their love and pride . Unlike me, who wasn't worth anything.(Yes I know why he is like that, and it is sad, but I don't want compassion and understanding to ruin a good story, thank you.)

Later, when I was admitted into this old Victorian, locked, Laughing Academy, here he was supporting my parents and saying how awful it was and how he could pay for me to get private treatment. The me that was outside of me, looking upon all this, knew that he had no such intention. He was saying this to yet again prove how good he was to my parents.

The Laughing Academy people seemed to think my problem was being gay. Actually it was their problem but why quibble over such a minor detail. Big brother offered support to my parents and even suggested they joined a support group for parents of gay children.

And guess what? You will never guess...he is an even bigger Nelly! yes, oh yes, big brother was busy boffing the man he shared a flat with. (I hadn't at that time learned to trust my instincts-the leather chaps in the flat should have given the game away...) So yes. He too is a HOMOSEXUAL. You couldn't make this stuff up. SOAP was quite real by comparison.

Now God, if you believe in such a thing, must have a sense of humour. My parents had three sons. (They were very family oriented-you know the type, put on a clean, righteous, holier than thou face to the world and treat your children like dirt on your shoe in the privacy of your own home.)

So there is God looking down upon this family of 5 and thinking to herself 'oh shit,this isn't working. Better put an end that family line'. And Bingo! The 3 sons are homosexual. No grandchildren. Oh the shame of it all. Makes me laugh just to think about it. Seriously. I think it is hysterical.

Perhaps I ought not to, but I do get a kick out of the fact that I have been in a steady one to one relationship, a marriage if you like, for nearly 26 years now. My brother's have not. They go thru one disaster after another. Of course, that is my fault. It always has been and always will be.

I am pleased to say that we live on different continents. Have not heard from them for years, thankfully. Apart from email I sent to my younger brother when I discovered via the net, what he was up to. By return I got a casual remark regarding the death of my mother. I had no clue she had died(18mths previously). No one had told me.

This turned out to be another healing point for me. With that little piece of knowledge, that my mother had died and they had not even bothered to tell me, told me loud and clear, once and for all, that they really were sick and wicked people and that I had nothing to fear from them. The residual guilt I felt went. I no longer think it was me. Not at all.

My attitude and feeling toward my mother has changed a great deal. In fact much has happened around my mother and me but that will have to be left for another time....

P.S.

This post was going to be about the weather but I went off on a tangent...

Gay Sheep

You thought you had heard everything?

Well, did you know that 8% of all rams, male sheep, are gay? (No wonder the knitting industry exists. I mean just look at what is made of wool and all those pretty colours?) It seems sheep farmers have always known this. Some rams ram other rams. I lived in Oz for many years surrounded by sheep stations(farms) and I never met one( a gay ram I mean). I didn't even know they existed. Oh, how my life may have been different. I wonder why this particular piece of information was not taught in Agriculture class?

It seems research has shown that the hypothalamus of gay rams are smaller than that of their str8 brothers.

Not only that, but can be shown to be so before birth. (The article was unclear about gay girl sheep, (lesbisheep?), as they said that a girl sheep just stands still when it is horny so it was hard to tell....I couldn't tell if the writer was being serious or not on this point.)

Now of course it seems the Religious Right are getting their knickers in a twist over this. They insist, of course, that being gay is a choice. (I wonder when they decided to be str8?) and they have put out a statement which, amongst other things, says that 'this could lead to homophobia being as socially stigmatised as racism'. Oh dear! We can't have that can we? Of course, if they could ,they would say that not being white is a choice...

A few years ago, some anti abortionists, including a leading UK Rabbi, stated that they thought that if it could be shown a baby in utero was to be gay, then it would be acceptable grounds for abortion....Isn't it amazing how such people think?

Back to the sheep. It was discovered that hormone injections given to these gay sheep had them wondering off and shagging the nearest girl sheep(who may or may not have been a lesbisheep-who knows, she just stood still.)

Now it seems Martina Navratilova is demanding that gay sheep be left alone. I quite agree with her, as odd as the situation appears to be.

I must have led quite a sheltered life for I did not know that in most species, a certain percentage are gay. In a USA(where else?) zoo, they have a pair of gay Penguins. They have been together a long time. Between them they nurse their 'egg', a rock....

Of course when it comes to human gay people, it has always been known, to me and most gay people anyway, that being gay is not something one would choose to be. It is thrust upon one. Who in their right mind would choose to be a social leper? Now being gay is not anything harmful. There is nothing about gay people that makes them leper like. It is only the ignorance, wickedness and hubris of the non gay people that make it so.

Oh and while we are at it, being gay does not mean that gay women are more male than female and nor does it mean that gay men are more female than male. That is such a stupid thought to have. There are of course both masculine traits and feminine traits in everyone, and in gay people too. Some gay men are more feminine and some more masculine, same with gay women.(Case in point,the only obviously gay thing about my other half is me.)

So back to gay sheep. Thank god for them. Without them we may not have this very creative pass time we call knitting....

P.S. There are str8 sheep, gay sheep and asexual sheep. No mention was made of bisexual sheep.

Dead or .....?

When we die, which we all do even though we rarely will admit that to ourselves, we will either be dead or we won't be dead. Both scenario's are very difficult, if not impossible, to comprehend.

How can we possibly just cease to exist? How can we possibly carry on existing without a body?

Mind boggling isn't it?

For myself, I much preferred the the idea that when we die, that is it, finito. Then I had an experience which told me otherwise. I had been in a coma and I dreamt that I met my Aunt, whom I knew to be dead but did not know that well. She was standing within a group of people. I could see her clearly thought the group were not that clear. My Aunt was well lit. Anyway, I found myself moving toward her. She held me in her arms briefly and then she turned my body so that I was facing away from her and said to me 'you have to go back, it is not your time'.

I awoke to find myself in a hospital bed with a breathing thing over my face and a drip in. I was furious. I pulled the mask off and ripped the drip out. As I did so, I recalled the pain of that cannula going in. Blood spurted out from where it had been. A nurse rushed over to me and tried to calm me down. She told me I was very lucky to be alive. I told her to f**k off.
I was not where I wanted to be at all. This was not oblivion.

When the anger subsided, I became terrified. Gut wrenchingly terrified. What was I to do? I can't live and I can't die. There was no where to go, no escape.

Since then, slowly but surely, I have grown to love my life. I have a very good one. More importantly, the way I was taught to think has been dealt with. I think differently now and have different beliefs. Hence I know that it is true that we experience life according to how we think.

I ditched the fundamentalist belief system I had. With the help of a deprogrammer. (Someone experienced enough to know how to undo the damage done by religious dogma/cults).

Getting back to the point, I have come to accept that we all survive physical death. It is not dependant upon our beliefs or how we lived. It is not dependant upon our religion. It is not dependant upon being good. It just is. There is no entrance fee to life after death other than dying! And I don't think it has anything at all to do with religion. I think it just is. It is just what happens.

Of course we take ourselves with us. So that pretty much determines what our first experiences of life without a body will be. We will not be able to hide anything. We will fit precisely where we fit. No pretending.

And no there will not be any Big Stick to either beat us into Hell or deliver us to Heaven! We will be wherever we allow ourselves to be, according to how we have thought, according to what we truly think.

Of course the very act of dying and finding ourselves 'born' into this new world will have a profound effect. And we will be able to reevaluate our thoughts. If we don't, if we reject the light, then we can find ourselves in darkness, yet only for as long as it takes for us to change our minds. No fiery pit for eternity.

None of us will escape the results of our thoughts and actions, be they good or not so. There are consequences, for good and not, and they will be inescapable.

More at another time.

Sunday Morning

The puppies are now 6 weeks and 2 days. They are more demanding.

Last night, they decided at 2.15 am , that they ought to be allowed out to play. I did not think this was a good idea at all.

Give them a couple of minutes, I thought, and they will shut up. Oh yes, positive thinking indeed. The little dears had other ideas and they proceeded to howl. One of them, Aunt Purl, (yes I changed the names) screamed her head off.

This called for desperate measures. So out came my ear plugs. Once in postition, I closed the usually open bedroom door, and that was that.

When I got up at 8am, they were sound asleep. So I woke them. They looked at me as if to say 'What time do you call this? We are sleeping, do you mind?'

Well, needless to say I ignored the filthy looks and put them outside. Then they came in for their breakfast and have now gone back to sleep. They had a rough night!

Completed Aran

Completed aran. My own design. More details HERE
Neck detail.
Set in sleeve detail.

Judgement

If you say you don't judge anyone or anyone's behaviour, you are a fool. And a liar too!

We all judge and we must do so! If we did not we would constantly put ourselves in danger.

Judgement is a part of our survival mechanism.

Do you let just anybody into your life? Your house? Do you let anybody look after your children? Do you accept any type of behaviour? Do you turn away from another's wrong doing? Do you keep quiet if and when you feel some action or thought is wrong?

Is it is easier for you to keep quiet rather than upset people and have them dislike you?

If you do, you are not only irresponsible, but cowardly too.

Judgement is not condemnation. To condemn is entirely different from judgement and it is this, condemnation, that must be avoided. To condemn is to hold yourself up as superior, as better than, as all knowing. It leads to the dehumanising of others. The ill treatment of others. And ,worst of all, the dehumanising of yourself.

People act in all sorts of deplorable ways. Thru pain, thru fear, thru grief. We need not accept the deplorable behaviour. Indeed it is our duty not to. It is right and proper that we point out errors when we see them, and do what we can to change the errors. Conversely, we need to look and see if it is a just point when our own errors are pointed out. NONE of us is free from error.

It is down, as is all, to personal responsibility. To attack and condemn and undermine a person who speaks up when error is apparent is not the path of the righteous nor the path of those seeking enlightenment. It is the path of the narcissist who cannot see themselves nor wants to yet they desire to be seen in a good light by others. They see themselves as spiritual people yet lack any true understanding of it. It shows in their behaviour and emotional turmoil. It shows in the speed with which they attack those they perceive as threatening.

Know yourself. If you do not, or are not willing to, you will not reach the place you wish to be. It cannot be reached without much suffering, real soul churning suffering, not the wretched empty meaningless suffering we put ourselves thru by avoiding our selves.

Well, blow me....

I got one of those awful threatening chain emails. You know the type - those that threaten you bad luck if you don't post it on to umpteen people.
Some people are disturbed by these, if they have superstitious beliefs.

What really threw me about it was that it was sent via a group of people involved in my church!

I wrote this in response:

"How can people who purport to be spiritual send out this rubbish? It is neither amusing nor spiritual to send threatening chain letters.
Has anyone given any thought to what they are sending? Or are you so afraid that you send it out anyway just in case you do suffer for not doing so?

I suggest you take a look at your belief system."

To the point I think but hardly the words of the Devil himself. Instead of any self examination, I got thinly veiled malice and judgement back!

Makes me wonder......

Global Warming

I wonder why our governments are getting us so worked up about so called global warming. There must be something in it for them. And what ever is in it, it has little to do with saving the planet!

The climate has ALWAYS changed. My country has been a different shape land wise, has had ice ages, has been tropical. It is now temperate. And it will change again. Why? Because the earth has always changed! Always. Everything changes and always will.

There is NOTHING we can do about it. Just because it is now highly inconvenient for us, why do we thing the earth will stop being the earth for our benefit? What arrogance! We will not hold back the tide. We will not alter the weather. We will not alter the way the Earth works. It is beyond our control.

Yes it is wise to clean up our act and stop polluting. Yet lets not fool ourselves that we can control the planet. We can't and the sooner humans realise this, the better.

There is little point scaring people and getting them to do this, that, and the other and telling them they can control the earth when they can't. It's a big fat lie and you can bet your life that there is a reason behind this lie and it will be to do with money and power.

The Kindness of Strangers

A little while ago, I mentioned I had trouble with my legs in the cold weather and that wearing ladies tights and long johns was not only difficult but uncomfortable.

A lovely lady, Mary Beth, wrote and said she would make some special long john's that would work. Well, they arrived in the post today all the way from Tennessee. Wonderfully comfortable.

Thank you so much Mary Beth.

You can read about Mary Beth and her loves here: The Stitchery