Tuesday, November 22, 2005

In Gere(Richard that is)

Above is a raglan sweater I made. The yarn is 50% merino, 25% Cashmere and 25% silk. 4ply weight.

Well, dear people, I would recommend you all go out and buy yourself a SAD light and then you'd have no excuse to bitch and moan and feel miserable. Yes, friends, it WORKS! People who know me have said I look well, not pale anymore(no it doesn't tan-wouldn't have that -skin cancer
you know- also don't want my skin to age any faster that it is - you should see what happens around my eyes when i smile-mmm.maybe I ought to switch off this light after all). John said it definately works. How do you know, I asked? Before you started using it, he replied, you were a miserable ****. What could I do but laugh and inwardly plan my revenge?

The world is full of wankers who want puppies. Honestly, they can't even make an inteliigent enquiry, why do they think they could raise a puppy? 'Ow much are ya Poodles?' one silly cow asked. 'I don't have Poodles' I reply. 'what 'ave you got and ow much?' 'I can't help you.' I said, 'and thank you for calling.' Maybe I am just getting old but I resisted saying 'fuck off'.

Oh and the spam one gets now(are you old enough to remember spam sandwaiches. makes me retch just recalling them). I get these ones from Princess IThink Youra Gulliblewanker and i am the widow of the late Prince Youra Tosser and I need your help to get millions of pounds from a Swiss Bank Account and I will make sure your receive 20% of said millions for helping me do this. So kind of them to offer, I think. NOT! They must think I have the IQ of a gnat. Come to think of it, they obvioulsy are retarded if they think this works.

Then there are those that offer me penile enlargement. What i want to know is this: who's been talking?

Oh and we have a little fun over on UKH. Oh yes, troll season is upon us. This particular one names herself Chrissie (I'll withold the surname) and it turns out the name belongs to a woman who authors knitting books. Mmmm...unique marketing skills-join a list and insult your potential customers. Now either this Chrissie person was the real one and if so she should go and seek help. Or she was a troll using a psuedonym knowing it was kntting related-in which case he/she ought to seek help.

Trouble is Trolling works because so many people seem to love getting irate and upset about emails. Like I used to. yes, I used to when I was green and new to this PC and net lark. Gosh, I got so upset sometimes that if my PC gave me access to the BUTTON, none of us would be sitting here now. Since then, I have calmed down quite a bit, had therapy, and now just stay drunk. Quicker and easier than trying not to get upset. Okay, so you are thinking 'no wonder his memory is crap'...well you may be right but hey this is my life and if I want to drink all day and night it's my business so push off. Anyway, back to the Trolling. I guess it's what some people do when they can't cope with being drunk all the time...like living in the real wordl...only for those who can't cope with drink or drugs...

Sorry about that last paragraph, just kidding. Me drunk? No never. Those were the days. Nope, I just get thru my days on fresh water and food. I've become really virtuous. No vices. Not many anyway. I still smoke, very little. But that is it. Don't even **** anymore. Too knackered.

Richard Gere. Now hasn't he grown in appeal? I think so anyway. Never thought much of him till he started going grey. Just saw him with Ms Sarandon in Shall We Dance?. Lovely film. VERY romantic. Aaah, there I was engrossed in this film, imagining him sweeping me off my walking sticks and carrying me ..well a couple of feet till his back gave out....still one can dream. It got me thinking that just my luck, now I am crippled, that he or Mr Jackman would come a knocking and I would just have to say no, sorry,.....

This reminds that in July it is our 25th anniversary. John and I that is. My original thought was I'd go out with him till someone rich and famous came and swept me away...well that was almost 25 years ago and i am still waiting...tho of course it is too late now....whilst waiting I discovered what love really is and that my heart had been captured and now doesn't want anything to change...he showed me what life was meant to be.
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