Friday, November 30, 2012


 It would be nice if I could think of something witty or terribly intelligent to say but I cannot.

One of the things that has concerned me about the new bed is the possibility of falling out of it. Well, I need not have worried because I automatically woke up and stopped myself from turning. I was right on the edge about to fall. Now I know that my subconscious will take care of it for me.

It has been a dreadful day with regard to my health. I cannot think of any reason why.  I was not good yesterday after my swim and I had not swam the previous two days  so I don't think I could have been overdoing it. Yesterday, after my swim, I more or less did nothing I had difficulty getting to sleep last night and I was convinced I had the flu when I woke up but of course I do not. This is part of my problem it just has not been as marked as this for a while.

We went to a local computer shop as I prefer to support local traders if I can but the information they gave me on the telephone did not match up with what was actually available. I found it very difficult because I could barely talk and I must have appeared really confused. I wasn't but I just could not get my brain and my mouth to cooperate. I did meet Fay there who is the mother of my friendLaura Granger.  it was nice to see her because it just made me feel better because I knew that she could tell that I was not with it and I didn't have to explain anything.

We ended up going to  Currys. I was on the edge of losing it there but I think the sales man must have picked up the vibe or something because he suddenly said I'll leave you to have a look and make up your mind what you want. I was so relieved because that is exactly what I needed him to do was go away and leave me alone. The effort of trying to think and talk was just too much.

I did find what I wanted and that half the original price. I got a Samsung laptop with the correct bells and whistles for the two things I need to use it for-music and HD video.

It is extremely cold today. It was cold last night that today it has not been above 2°C.

The puppies are doing very well and they are eating regularly now. Pussy is not eating very well at all about this is very common with pregnant females at this time. Between three and five weeks pregnant and they often go off their food. Whitley not only goes off her food but refuses to eat raw food which is her normal diet and which she is now back on and eating like a horse but while she was pregnant and feeling the puppies she only eight the Royal Canin.  weird.

I have no idea if today is the beginning of the more difficult phase or if it is just today. It is normal to cycle with good periods and bad periods or rather bad periods and better periods because there's never really a good period. However, when I am so challenged mentally like this I find it much more difficult to deal with. It is not easy to explain to other people although I do not explain anyway but they are used to seeing a physically challenged man who is very chatty and friendly and not this physically challenged man who also appears to be in another world. It is such a difficult thing to explain. Inside I seem to be working perfectly all right and I have am thinking alright. At least I think I think that is okay. It is just difficult to get it out into words and so I seem to be mentally damaged. I am using my speech to type program for this and it has taken me a long time just because going from thinking to speaking is very difficult right now. I have no idea why this happens. I made myself a lovely latter-day coffee and then I went to sit down in my chair and John said to me "where is your coffee"?  I had made it and then just left it there on the side. I'm physically very slow as well today.  in fact it would have just been easier for me to say today has been Crap! That I always feel I have to explain! Besides which it can help me seem clearly when I write things out but this is not particularly helpful today. All it is doing is confirming that I am f*cked today.

 I still have not got accustomed to John being retired although he works Tuesday Wednesday Thursday. I keep thinking that today is Saturday because he is home and I have done this ever since he went into retirement mode back in May! I think when he retires fully in five years time I might have worked it out! And then it won't matter anyway! We have to do Tesco tonight because we both need to pick up our drugs and we both need food.


Unknown said...

Years ago biorhythms were popular - showing how we have different cycles, basically mental, physical and emotional. Each had a different pattern from high point to high point. The end was there are some times all three are at a high point together and later at a low point together.

If one believes in this thinking, one could say Colin, maybe you are at a point where all three are on the low parts of the curves and that's why everything is more difficult than usual.

That being said, then you should just hang in there as all three will improve at their own cycle.

I know this sounds trite as I'm across an ocean and almost halfway across the continent, but I see such patterns in my life so maybe you have those as well. Maybe you could track it and see if you have patterns in your own life - so you can adjust your plans to match the point you are in this cycle or that.

Iris said...

I have to agree with John and others. Indeed, you DID beat him, and continue to do so every day you take another breath. The only way he can truly win is for you to give up, to lie down and LET him win. He's a horse's arse and you truly must not allow him to win. It's a mind game. Win it. You simply can not back off now. If you do, it's not he who has defeated you, you will have defeated yourself. You're much bigger than this. So, as difficult as it may seem today, pick yourself up, hold your head high and give him the royal finger. Oh! And the next time he "walks in" uninvited, tell him he's already dead.