Wednesday, April 25, 2012


It is very wet again and I am hurting all over. I have been reading your messages about Fiona Colwill. It seems odd that she has passed. No more filthy laugh on the phone. Yes, she had a really good laugh. All gin and cigarettes. Not an insult. It's a way to describe her voice. Even when times were hard, and they were for her often, she laughed. She tell me her woes and before long we were laughing. Her dogs were everything. She lievd a long way away and so we usually only met at dog shows. She was here at least once and that time she brought two of the most delightful toy poodles. i almost wanted one. Only recently she was sharing pictures on here of her toy hopeful and it was either the daughter or grand of the one she brought to my home.

Not wanting to be morbid, but really, life is very short and for some of us it is very short. NEVER complain about your age. It really pisses me off! Not that that is is the reason you shouldn't complain. No, you shouldn't complain because you are effing LUCKY!!! Every day you have, is one more than millions of others. Some people don't get 53 minutes. Fiona got 53 years. I have 53 years. I am grateful for each day I have now. I am lucky to be here. If you are reading this then you are lucky to be here too, no matter your age. You might be only 20 something and still believing that death happens to others. It happens to YOU too. ALL of us. It is not to be feared. Neither si life. Too many of us are afraid to live and be happy.

I know that being happy and things going well is something foreign to me given my past. All the more reason to be enjoying it and refusing to fear that other shoe falling! It is such a waste to fear what might me when we have no idea. For those of us who lived in terrible situations for many years, but do not now, it is hard to let go and just enjoy. Enjoy we must though. I am enjoying every day I have. It took practice. It takes reprogramming of the self talk that goes on in our heads. It can be done.

Our day may come suddenly, like with Fiona, or it may come with warning. Whatever way it comes, just be sure you are not frittering away your time today. NOW is all we have. This instant. How we experience it is down to us It isn't down to others. Don't give other the power to decide on your happiness or lack of it!
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