DISABLED SOULS

  oh my! I knew a dr who had spine surgery and she told me to never allow that. I have also known others have it who say the same thing. Only one I know had aand she doesn't regret it BUT with her it was have it or not be able to walk. For her, she can walk, but like me is in constant pain.

At the risk of sounding self-pitying, I really don't understand why people don't understand that being in 24/7 IS disabling. It means one is disabled. I am not able to live a normal life. Disability doesn't just cover para or quadriplegics or the mentally affected. Frequently not being able to dress myself, frequently unable to get out of bed unaided, always unable to walk unaided, and mostly in a wheelchair for any distance more than in my house. In my house I tend to okay because I usee furniture and walls to balance myself. Plus if you are visiting, then I ma okay that day so to you, unless you really know me, I won't appear to be what most term disabled. This govt have made is so we are the targets of resentment and bitterness from others now.

 I feel guilty on my good days. Two weeks ago when i seized completely and could barely move and had to ask for outside help to get my meds for me, I actually felt PLEASED! Pleased because I was really suffering and this showed just how disabled I am. That is stupid! On my good days I feel guilty. I feel I am not earning my disability!

How many people go to the pool in their pj's? I do because if I get undressed to get dressed, to only get undressed and dressed again, I wouldn't be able to swim!

I feel guilty doing what i enjoy-dog shows. Never mind the 2.5hrs I need before I can leave my home, never mind the copious amount of morphine I need, never mind the two days recovery I need, with the first spent in agony, pills don't help much on that day. Do i complain. NO! I enjoy the show so i pay the price. That price though alos includes nasty minded people being extremely
 unkind which i did not even think about because that is not how my mind works and despite my background I am still shocked by the mean spiritedness of some and by my own naivety. 


During this cold weather, I am BORED! I went out today with John. We went into a supermarket type shop. I was very stiff by the time we got back to the car, not because I walked, but because it was cold. I get cold very quickly and cold leads to pain and stiffness and the inability to move much at all, thus more cold. Still, I went to Panini's with John, dragging out as much time as I could OUT of my house. Even with all I can do indoors, the dogs, music, tv, dvd, the iMac, FB, I still need to get out! 

How anyone in their right mind can think i am able I have no idea. How normal is it to take 2hr43mins to get up and shower and dress and ready to go out?  On a good day? (we had to time it for the tests).
Or is it I am too happy to be disabled? Too upbeat? Too independent. I don't ask for help at shows? Unless I fall over then I have no choice. Perhaps people forget about the times I fall over. Both in the ring and out. 

yes, I do handle all this well and no one likes a moaner but then one gets accused of being a fraud, a liar precisely ebcause of having the attitude that is good! 

What is the point of moaning and cry and ranting? It won't make me well.You know what i did when i was first diagnosed properly and knew I was fucked with no chance of getting better? I got in my car and DROVE to OSLO, NORWAY! It was November. It almost killed me and I was in agony most of the time and I was only fit enough to walk up and down, once, King whatever his name is street. But I DID it and knew I would never be able to again. And here I am 8 years later and I no i can't drive to Norway again. The IMPORTANT thing is that I drove to Oslo, Noway. I got see Norway, a little. I think that is amazing even if others see it as proof I am fit!

So i still say f*ck you to those who would do me down. i refuse to be miserable. I WILL wring every last ounce of joy out of my life. 

I may have severe problems with my body and be limited by it but YOU have severe problems of another sort and they have crippled your soul.

A PALTRY ONE MILLION POUNDS!!!

There is a lot on controversy going on here because the CEO of RBS (an 82% state owned bank since the 'crash') was awarded a million pound bonus on to of his 1.2 million a year. He has now decided not to take it.

I don't think this has anything to do with morality but much to do with jealousy! People are jealous of his success and money, they are not morally outraged, they just fool themselves they are.

If I employed a man or woman and their work stopped me losing money and GAINED me 2 BILLION, I would expect a decent person to be morally outraged if I only rewarded him with a 1.2 million salary and a 1 million bonus!

Now what I DO object to is the fact the USA govt and UK govt bailed the failing banks out. I especially wish that people would remember that it was a RIGHT WING US govt that bailed out the USA banks.

I find it astonishing that less fuss was made about that by the American people than they do at the 'evil' of healthcare for all! Oh, yes, we will pay billions to stop a bank failing, and keep the rich rich, and making them richer, but NO, fuck you, die if you can't afford health care. Yes, we will have socialised military, agriculture, education but healthcare? Are you insane? Um, yes i suppose I am by your terms!

Most people wrongly assume I am a lefty. It would be wrong to assume I am a righty. I am neither.

What gets me about the 'small government' people, is that they say they do not want, and rightly so, a government directing their lives. Yet they want to control the lives of OTHERS! They want to control people's sexual behaviour, they do not want ALL to have the same rights, they do not want women to have control of their own bodies. I think their belief in 'small government' is bulldust.

What about the idea that helping out the poor, the unemployed, the sick etc be left to charity. 

ARE YOU KIDDING? 

This will mean that people will be more controlled that by a government that cares for it's people REGARDLESS.

Oh no. Charities will refuse to help people they do not approve of. And YOU may think it would not affect you because YOU are not a 'minority' but you can bet your life that the day will come when  YOU will not be approved of and if you end up in the shit, you will be denied care, compassion, help because YOU will not be approved of because if left to charity, the basis upon which people will be helped will be completely arbitrary.

It is morally reprehensible to allow people to suffer and die, to be homeless, jobless, and sick and not help them.

We live in a capitalist system and part of it will always be that there will be unemployment and the underprivileged, and the old, the sick, the disabled. AND those of lower mental capacity.

This is the BIG lie that people have swallowed: that we each can through our own endeavour become rich. That is NOT true. It assumes we all have an IQ high enough, have good health, and have talent enough in the RIGHT thing that will bring riches to us. 

We also shamefully look down upon those people in low paid job doing work we look down upon yet these people ALLOW us to live the way we do! Bin-men, sewage workers, road workers etc are all vital to our way of life. 

I think that we need to take care of our fellows. there are those whose attitude to the sick, the mentally challenged, the disabled etc is 'tough , we don't don't owe them anything'. I  can't say anything to that except that mankind does NOT need such people.

NONE of us exists in a vacuum. We all exist with the help of others. Had human beings not become altruistic, I would not be writing this and you would not be reading this. We would not exist.

We all have a right to be who we are. WE have a right to live without a government telling us who we can be or what we should think. We have the right to be as free as is possible. (Total freedom is not possible-anrachy will destroy us all-the more freedom the less security. It is a balancing act.) Government has NO right to dictate to people how they live with Each other, how they raise families, who they marry etc.

It is right that we, the people, care for the people, and that we therefore allow Government to provide, with our money, healthcare, education, security. Laws to stop the strong destroying the weak.

We must find a way of stopping individuals elected to govern us becoming powerful and controlling. They must ALWAYS be reminded they are OUR servants, we are not theirs. We need make sure ORDINARY people make up the majority of government. Being governed by people who are most rich is clearly not working! Nor will it ever. Likewise, we can't be governed those who think we should all be the same and that no one be rewarded for excellence.

I am fully aware that my thoughts are just that. i am not smart enough to organize a raffle let alone a government! I am smart enough to know right from wrong and it is simply wrong that we do not care for our fellows and that we try an control who people are.