Sunday, February 24, 2013
I have noticed that those who complain about horrible people are in the dog game are usually those who are the reason! You know what I mean. Those who complain about the gossip and the back stabbing. They are usually right in the centre of it. That doesn't mean i don't think they are genuinely upset by it. I think they just don't see how they create the bad atmosphere that they complain about. There is a couple that both John and I have been polite and friendly to. they don';t know us because they have never been polite enough to respond in anything but the most perfunctory way. Yet I know, for a very brief conversation, that they too complain about how mean people are yet they themselves are hardly friendly, all but ignoring John and only just managing to respond if I say Good Morning. Why do people do this? Don't they realise we all feel the same way? we can feel hurt. we all can feel mistrust. What if we stopped the crap, looked at ourselves and saw just how we contribute to it? I know that for myself, I have reigned in my attempts at friendliness and openness. i wrote a letter of support to someone and it was interpreted in the most negative of ways and I was made out to be the villain yet it was the person themselves who carried the venom not me. So now I don't even try to encourage or support or compliment. However, i will NOT allow myself to become brittle and unfriendly. Will you? Do we want a dog world like this? Do we want to use FB for back stabbing? Do we want to use it as just another way of being cruel and mean spirited? The under hand remarks made about Deita and why she won. Stupid. they come from a place of jealousy. far better to put your energy into breeding a quality dog so that you too can enjoy the wins and have to listen to people like you deride every win! Those that forever bleat on about the crookedness and unfairness are not seen as paragons of virtue by others. no we see you as bitter and twisted especially when you show inferior dogs to boot! (This is where they won't even see themselves!) I know that I have a good friend in someone who, were the gossips to be believed, is nasty egomaniac. i now know this not to be true and I am embarrassed to have let it get to me in the first place. Not that i am alone. I am not how others were led to believe either. As you can see from my very open views of my home and dogs, they are not stacked in cages to the ceiling and I do not breed many litters every year. These two things were spread about 'virtuous' people and were the reason I was kicked out of a breed club. Don't be daft, of course no one apologised! They have just looked for other reasons to do me down. The baffling thing is that these people believe they are the virtuous ones. seriously. It is they who complain about mean people are. They don't see their own behaviour . I had put it all behind me and did my best to be befriend and kind and friendly. That was a mistake for which i was punished and a lesson I have learned. some people are just mean spirited and nothing I do will alter that.
No we cannot change others. That leaves us with the most powerful tool at our disposal. We change ourselves. Yes. We make sure that we do not add to the shit. Never repeat anything we are told by another about another and never believe it either! don't rubbish a dog you have never been over. Don't rubbish a dog you have been over and if you are a judge you most certainly ought not be talking about those dogs you have had the privilege of going over unless it is in positive terms. It is childish to refuse to speak to people. A polite Good Morning is all that is required. It gets really stupid to have load of people sitting around not talking to each other!
If we want our hobby, (it's a hobby, we are not searching for the cure to cancer) to be a happy enjoyable one, then we have to make it one. yes, i know it's hard to be nice and friendly to people you know do you down at every opportunity they get. Ironically, if we don't continue to be who we are, they win and we become who they say we are! If who you are is suspicious, distrusting, cynical, then perhaps you ought not be int he game or you need to put some serious effort into personal change.
Oh, I know that none of the above is going to make going to make going to shows a blissful experience! Of course not. Most will dismiss this as the ramblings of a wanker. That's okay. I know from experience though, through listening, that there are people who are very decent and nice people and they suffer as the result of this atmosphere. THEY don't have to. By refusing to let others dictate how they behave or react, they can take control of their own selves and come to find the shows enjoyable despite those who would have it otherwise.
It does the breed harm in the long run. New people are not welcomed. Good breeders are afraid of being stung. Judges take any questions about their judging as criticism and are very defensive so people don't bother to ask questions. Another avenue of learning blocked. The knowledge of the successful long term breeders is blocked because they are rubbished by those around for a year or two who think they know it all. Vicious campaigns of lies started by those who think their pets ought to win and think they don't because of who they are instead of recognising that their dog is not quality enough to win.
There IS judging that is crooked or ignorant. This game involves humans. they are still in the minority.
No one is suggesting that we look only though rose coloured glasses at the game. No. Only that we look to ourselves, our own behaviour, our own attitude and ask ourselves how we contribute to this game. Is it negative or positive? It's quite easy. ask yourself if this is positive or negative: I am not speaking to him, because so and so said he doesn't like my dog. I am not speaking to them because they didn't place my dog. It doesn't take much looking at to find the answer.
None of us is perfect, no, but not all of us are mean of spirit either. And yes, some of us when hurt, contribute in negative ways which we are not aware of and would be ashamed if we were.
Well, that is my ramblings on this subject. It was triggered by the fact that I hear so often about how 'awful' people in our breed are and the realisation that those saying this contribute to the awfulness! It is always someone else's fault. well, no its' not. We each create the atmosphere under which we show our dogs. So the responsibility is ours.
Posted by Colin Andersson at 12:24 pm